Chapter 61 - Make Sure of It

                                    

                                          
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Chapter 61 - Make Sure of It
                          
Tobias
                          
I finally make it back to the hallway my apartment is in from after the meeting. I fiddle with my keys in my pocket, making them quietly jingle as they bump together as I stroll down the quiet halls. It makes it a little more comforting with just the smallest jingle adding the smallest bit of noise making it echo off of the quiet stone walls. 
                          
All that can be heard is my footsteps and the keys. Everything else; dead silent.
                          
It's still kind of early, well, at least for this compound it is. In another hour, so around noon, people will begin to crawl from their apartments and get out for the day.
                          
I'm one that is kind of okay with the silence.
                          
Silence gives me the time to think; the time to prepare; the time to wonder.
                          
But silence also haunts me.
                          
Silence was the sound after my father would finish beating me; silence was the sound of the coat closet upstairs.
                          
Silence was when everything would go from good to bad; and from bad to worse.
                          
Silence is a very strange topic.
                          
Silence is half of my childhood.
                          
More than half.
                          
Every day I would wake up; silence.
                          
I'd go down stairs and make my father and I breakfast, in silence.
                          
I'd walk to school, in silence.
                          
I'd sit in school, being silent.
                          
During lunch I'd sit by myself, still silent.
                          
Back to class, still silent.
                          
Walking home, in silence.
                          
It wasn't that it was selfish to talk to others in Abnegation; actually, it wasn't rare. Others would talk to Abnegation and Abnegation would talk to others; it wasn't an act of selfishness.
                          
It was that no one wanted to be friends with or even associated with the "Abnegation Leader's son". 
                          
Ha. Like I was ever even his son.
                          
Then I'd be home alone before my father was done with work; still silence.
                          
The only time there really was noise was if he had a bad day at work. Then he'd come home yelling and cursing to just about no one in particular. 
                          
Those nights usually ended up with him over me with his belt.
                          
Then... Oh boy was there noise.
                          
After that I would clean up; mostly in silence.
                          
Then I'd go to bed, where the voices in my dreams were just about the most pleasant noise I have heard.
                          
Except for when I'd have nightmares.
                          
At that point in time I was told that my mother was dead; and I believed them. I mean seriously, who wouldn't? 
                          
I use to have nightmares with her in them, right up until I was fifteen or sixteen. I would watch her get murdered or die in the worst possible ways.