Chapter 3

                                    

                                          


Zayn could feel his body get weak at his touch, and his entire body went stiff. There was a moment of silence that the both of them were just staring at each other. Zayn wasn't angry despite his predicament of being slammed against a wall he didn't mind. His mind went blank, and his eyes looked down at his lips, he felt the urge to kiss him, like a craving almost.
That thought disgusted him, and he instantly was snapped out of his trance, Zayn wasn't gay, he knew that matter of fact. This was just an intrusive thought, he repeated in his head.
"Get off of me!" He demanded while pushing him off with all his strength. "The real question is why are you here?" He questioned back.
"I had asked to change rooms and they assigned me to this room," He explained, as he scrunched his nose in disgust, "With you,"
Great! Now he has to share a room with the person who made his life hell.
Zayn scoffed, "Look man we're going to have to find a way to work around this," He stated. "Despite us having to share a room, we just going to have to find methods to stay far away from each other at the same time,"
Andre lifted a brow, "How do you suppose we do that snitch," he questioned.
"One of us can only be in the room during the day, and that way our paths barely have to cross,"
"That'll work. I barely stay in the room anyway, but stay out of my way," He threatened.
Zayn responded with an eye roll, and he decided that he was going to go with the movie option instead, that's way less excruciating instead of being in a room with a person who is the biggest ass hole on the planet, actually the universe!
He walked down the hallway to the room, and the room had a few people in there, it wasn't as many people as there were at first. So, he was fortunate. Nobody seemed to be watching a movie, so he decided to turn it on and browse through to find something. After five minutes of searching, he finally found something that looked interesting.
'Call me by your name' The title read, he clicked on the movie, and halfway through watching he realized it was a gay movie. Zayn didn't have a problem with that.
The kissing scenes between Elio and Oliver started to make his heart flutter, and he began imagining that as Andre. He wondered what it would be like kissing Andre, how would his lips feel against his lips. He started to feel disgusted. Like he was genuinely repulsed by Andre, right? Why is his mind making him think like this?
Zayn paused the movie, debating whether he wanted to continue watching. Through a battle with his mind, he decided to continue watching. The more kissing scenes happened, the more his mind was thinking about Andre. It was like his body craved Andre.
Zayn thought it was a rational explanation for this right? Maybe it was because he hadn't had sex in a while and it's causing his brain to think like this.
He'd never questioned or even thought about his sexuality. He always assumed he was straight, assumed he would marry and have kids with a woman.
As he watched the scene of Elio crying at the fireplace, he started to feel tears falling down his eyes as the movie's closing credits started to appear. He loved the movie, and he thought it was beautiful.
Zayn looked out the window and noticed it was dark, which caused him to scoff in disbelief when he realized he had to go back into the room with Andre.
He didn't even realize the room was completely empty, he walked as slowly as possible back to the room, and he started mentally preparing himself, he knew that this wasn't going to go well. One of them was probably going to end up dead, Zayn realized he probably should sleep with his eyes open. He was trying to get caught lacking.
He braced himself as he opened the door, but to his surprise saw Andre on the bed reading a book. "I didn't know that you know how to read," Zayn slipped out, as he stood near the door.
"Fuck off," He angrily responded as he rolled his eyes. Zayn chose to not respond and let him continue his reading. Zayn liked to shower before sleeping, despite him also showering in the morning, he liked being extra clean.
When he was finished searching through his bag to find something to wear, he went into the bathroom. He adjusted the shower temperature to the perfect temperature and then started undressing himself.
Zayn stepped in the shower, and he unconsciously washed his body as he zoned out. His mind was wandering around different topics, he started thinking about Kaiden. He seemed like an interesting person despite the time with him being short-lived. He hoped the transition back into school would be fine.
Andre started to pop up in his mind, and how much he hated him, he started to feel his jaw begin to clench. Bad enough we were in the same facility as each other, and now we have to share a room with each other. Couldn't life get any worse?
He started thinking about how he threw him against the wall. The thought of that made his heart flutter, and he could feel his body become hot. He glanced down to see that his dick was hard. He was confused because why would it make him hard?  Zayn immediately turned the water cold, and he began to shiver as the cold water was hitting his skin. As it went down, he continued to wash his body and tried to force out of his mind what happened.
Andre was his enemy. He hated him. And he liked women.
That's what he reminded himself. Zayn wanted to stay in the shower forever, but he knew at some point he would need to get out.
He hesitantly reached to grab his towel; he really didn't want to get out of the shower. He wrapped it around his waist and stepped out of the shower. He dried his entire body off and began doing his hygiene routine, and then he slipped on his sweatpants. He didn't wear a shirt when he slept because he usually sweats, especially in the middle of the summer.
When he walked out of the bathroom, the room started to become filled with awkward silence. Zayn just went to his bed and laid down having his hands behind his back. He stared up at the ceiling. He could see from the corner of his eyes, Andre put away his book in his bag. He flicked his lamp off and then turned over to fall asleep. The room was completely dark, and it was silent.
Some time went by and he could feel himself start to become restless. The sadness was hitting him, and it was hitting hard. He was craving his pills to feel better; he needed them. The loneliness he felt started to creep its way in, despite him being in the room with someone, it was different. Alone and loneliness. He knows no one understands him.
It was always the brain constantly telling him he wasn't good enough. He wanted to be different. He could feel his tears start to fall down his eyes, and his throat beginning to lump. He covered his face with the pillows to be as quiet as possible. He was trying his best to repress his tears, but they couldn't stop. His chest started to feel heavy, and he just felt awful.
He wanted to do nothing but disappear. He knew his mother was better off without him, he was stressed. All he did was damage, and he completely damaged himself. He doesn't think he has what it takes to become better. He wasn't strong, he was weak. Zayn didn't really care about what people thought about him for the most part. All he wanted was to not disappoint his mother, and he would try to make sure he will. He knew that to get better he needed to accept the help.
He started taking drugs a few years ago, His old friend had introduced him to it. He didn't do it all the time at the point just occasionally when he wanted to have fun. But he started to fall into depression, and the more he started doing them more. For a while, he was in denial about how bad it truly was.
But he couldn't help it, it was the only thing that made him feel better, it numbs out his emotions.  If there was a pill in front of him right now, he wouldn't hesitate to take it. He knew he was self-destructive and selfish, but he would try to change.
For his mother and his little sister.