8. the choices

                                    

                                          

8. the choices
          i do not have the flame in my head. yet i still get nightmares from the commanders like lexa does, ever since lexa has made the choice to change our ways i have seen every single death of a commander. i don't know how to explain why i am the way i am but i wish someone knew the answers. it's always been so hard to have all the power i do yet no power at all. i hear knocking on my door breaking me from my vision of the commanders
"(enter)"
"(azgona, today the last mountain man will be delivered to wanheda as a gift from the king)"
he did not ask me about this. and now i just realize i have not even been home since he became king 
"(will the king be there to gift it to her?)"
"(no azgona)"
"(tell him i'm coming home today)"
he nods
"(thank you, you're dismissed)"
i leave my room to find this mountain man
"your king has delivered a gift "
"lexas king, not mine"
"i'm on my way to deliver it to lexa, care to join?"
i nod
"enter"
i hear lexa tell titus after he knocks 
"pardon me, heda. i didn't realize you were busy"
he notes seeing as clarke is right beside her 
"are you going to tell me what's in the box or not?"
lexa says with a lot of attitude, clarke has changed everything about her and i do not like it 
"forgive me. this is a gift from king roan of azgeda to wanheda. the messenger said this is both proof of azgedas loyalty to the coalition and an answer to a yet unanswered question. may i? open it"
"emerson?"
clarke ask recognizing the man to which she had killed his whole family, he realizes that too and starts to attack her
"stop him!"
"(or don't)"
lexa glares at me but continues 
"get him out of here! put him in a cage now"
"i'm fine"
          i found my way into the throne room on lexas right with titus on her left. with people crowded before the throne 
"you're letting her cloud your judgment."
"i've been saying that since the start"
"commander you are too personally-"
and then clarke walks up, of course. 
"here she is"
"you wanted to see me commander?"
she asks 
"yes. we need to discuss the fate of the last mountain man"
lexa walks down to her but i stand in my spot staring, this is the moment we figure out if clarke really stands behind her new law, blood must not have blood. 
"i believe he deserves death"
"she can speak for herself, titus"
"titus is right"
clarke tells lexa
"you see? it is human nature to need vengeance. only once satiated, can there be peace. that is our way"
titus replies
"that was our way. clarke? so, blood must not have blood applies only when it is my people who bleed?"
"that was about stopping a war. this is about finishing one."
"this is no different. you killed 381 of his people, he helped will 49 of yours. you killed my queen for us to be even, for the war to be over. and then your people killed 300 of ours"
"i'm sorry, but if you want my advice, i agree with titus. he deserves to die for what he did."
i could kill her right here 
"i'm not looking for advice. im looking for a decision."
"he was gifted to you. the crime he stands charged with is against your people."
"so, what will it be then, clarke? banishment from our lands forever? or death by 49 cuts from your hand? you have til sundown to decide"
lexa walks out and i follow her into her room, i slam the door when we both are in the room
"300 of our innocent people got killed by her people and yet you change our ways for her. now she doesn't want to follow them and you walk away"
"i changed our ways because it is what i believe is best! and if she thinks killing him is best for her, then so be it."
"she can kill him and it's fine because it's best for her but if i believe killing her is best for our people i cannot do that. you are weak lexa. blood must have blood is the only way"
"we can live this new way"
"no we can't"
"why not?"
"it's not who we are and you know it"
"it is now"
"listen to me lexa i hope you will come to your senses. because you're not going to like my plan for when you die. so decide now, do you want to die for clarke or live for me"
          i didn't let lexa get in another word before i left the conversation, i stayed in my room thinking about my ontari plan until it was time to go back to hear clarkes decision. the guards open the door for me and all i hear is the drums. lexa follows shortly behind me to the throne 
"(we come together tonight, as we have countless times before, to watch a man die.) wanheda."
lexa reaches to one of her knives and hands it to a warrior to  take to clarke
"vengeance is yours"
clarke walks forward to the warrior and stares at the knife until 
"no."
clarke says causing everyone to mutter to each other 
"i don't know if your death will bring me peace. i just know i don't deserve it."
"this man must die. if skaikru will not take his life then azgona will."
i'm the one who had him do the job that they think deserves death 
"enough titus" 
"what is this?"
the mountain man asks
"i wouldn't be killing you for what you've done. id be killing you for what i've done. (i give this man his life. blood must not have blood)"
as the words left her mouth i could feel lexas eyes on me and then the man started to scream and the crowd was livid expecting this man to die 
"(silence! the crimes of the mountain cannot be answered by one man.) wanheda knows this. her actions show us a promise for a new future. a world in which violence does not always answer violence. a world in which our children can flourish. without the shadow of death. this prisoner is banished from my lands. he will live. but he will live with the ghost of those he has lost. haunted until the end of his days by the knowledge that he is the last of his kind."
"may you live forever"
that speech even has me wanting to not kill him, but i am no fool. this no killing will not last 
"(you're all dismissed)"
everyone left besides lexa, titus, clarke and a few guards
"(i'm going home)"