85

                                    

                                          

McKenna's POV:
March 23rd, 2022
The last few days have been a whirlwind of excitement and emotions, a mix of fun and bittersweet moments that I can't seem to shake. I've been lucky enough to spend some much-needed time with Josh, which has been a total highlight. It felt like everything clicked like we were able to reconnect in a way I hadn't expected. 
One of the highlights was that I finally got to go all out with my Ahsoka costume—full makeup, wardrobe, the whole thing. It's been a dream to get into character, and I was able to film a few scenes as well, which was an incredible experience. Josh, of course, was in his element too. He ended up being a background character for some of the shots, which made him so happy. He's a bit of a geek when it comes to Star Wars, and this was the ultimate fan moment for him. Seeing his face light up when he was on set made it all the more special.
Today, however, is a little more emotional. It's Josh's last full day in LA, and we're trying to make it count. There's something really important he wanted to do before he left, so we're going to dinner with my sister, Meadow. Ever since Josh found out about my childhood and the truth about my family, he's been really eager to meet her. He's been asking questions and bringing her up nonstop, so when I told Meadow he wanted to meet her, she agreed without hesitation. I'm glad she's open to it; she seemed genuinely excited, even though I could tell she was a little nervous too.
But it's also a hard day for me, emotionally. As much as I'm happy to see Josh and Meadow meet, I can't help but feel this deep pang in my chest. I know Paul would've wanted to be a part of this, to be here with us. He would've been over the moon to meet Josh finally. I miss him more than I can put into words, and some days, especially today, it's just unbearable.
I instinctively reached for my bracelet, the one that Paul had given me all those years ago. I ran my fingers over it as if the simple act of touching it could ease the ache in my chest. Life has felt like a constant battle recently, and even though therapy has been helping, there's only so much you can do to fix something so broken. There's only so much you can process when you've taken someone's life—no matter the circumstances. It doesn't matter that it was in self-defense, that I had no choice. The fact remains that I ended the life, of someone who had once meant everything to me. Mitch wasn't just anyone; he was my entire world for a time. The weight of that guilt is unbearable, and no amount of therapy, no words from anyone, seems to be enough to make it go away.
I was lost in these thoughts when I heard Josh's voice. "Hey," he said, poking his head into the room. His smile was contagious, as usual, but I could see the nerves behind his eyes. "Is this too much?" he asked, motioning to his outfit. He was dressed in nice dress pants and a button-up shirt.
I smiled at him, trying to ease his anxiety. "No, you look really nice," I reassured him. "You're good."
Josh seemed relieved, but then he raised an eyebrow. "Thanks. What are you wearing?"
I chuckled. "I'm going to wear a casual dress. Nothing too fancy."
He looked at me for a moment, then back down at his outfit, clearly worried. "Okay, am I over-dressed?"
I laughed again. "No, you're fine. Seriously, stop stressing. It's going to be fine."
Josh nodded but still looked like he was on the edge of a panic attack. "I'm just nervous, you know?"
"I get it. But honestly, you have nothing to be nervous about. You've met people way more famous than my sister. She's not even considered a celebrity."
"Exactly! That's the point. She's not a celebrity. She's more important than that. She's my sister's sister... wait, did that make sense?" He stopped, trying to make sense of his rambling.