45 Pt. 2

                                    

                                          
Ari
I take a barefooted step out onto the porch, the wood creaks beneath me just like the floorboards do in Diana's apartment.
The crickets sound so loud and so lively I'd swear they were living in my head.
It's so beautiful out here.
I haven't stopped thinking so since we drove in.
A three hour drive was the longest I'd ever been in a car. The longest I've ever been away from that city.
From my tiny, meaningless little life in Carlson.
Staring up at the moon in a night sky as clear as this one only makes me hate home more.
Tonight only makes me love Abel more.
He's more than just my English teacher. He's become everything to me.
All I have.
I feel a tear fall and hear it hit the wooden ledge in front of me, and finger at my damp hair.
If I didn't have so much on my mind, I'd care that I was standing out in the brisk cold air after a shower. A shower that I stood in mindlessly, and for longer than I should have based on the pruned pads of my fingers.
In five days we'll be on our way back.
Back to hell. Back to wondering where we go from here.
I want to ask Abel so badly where we go from here, but then again I also just want to enjoy this week. Maybe even just the rest of the school year, because what happens then?
Ever since he told me he loved me back, I've been hopeful. Maybe there is a future for us, but a future with him isn't exactly practical.
Is it?
"Babe?" His voice makes me lift my head and see him staring down at me from the second story balcony with a sweet smile on his face. "You ever gonna come back inside?"
I've probably been standing out here a long time.
Based on the fact that my hair is mostly dry, I'd say close to an hour. Oops.
"In a minute, sorry." I snicker, a little embarrassed. "Just never seen this many stars before."
"You can get a closer look from up here. Come on up."
I wonder if he's noticed how stand offish I've been.
How stuck-in-my-head I've been.
He hasn't said anything, but knowing him he's just trying to avoid an argument. My birthday is in two days, but to Abel it's all week.
He's sweet.
I've never had this much importance brought to my birthday before.
I've never really had this much importance to anyone, period. And honestly I just don't know how to process it.
Or accept it.
I like it, but it's foreign to me. It's almost off-putting. Like I've had the urge to take off running into he forest ever since I stepped out of the car.
Ugh, he's just so sweet though.
I've wanted this feeling for so long. To finally feel like I mean something, and I can't even accept it.
I start up the stairway, noticing the music playing gently as I make my way up.
Friday I'm in Love.
Our song. My heart starts beating hard enough in my chest that I can feel it in my throat.
And when I spot the first rose petal, next to my foot I speed up my pace.