better than revenge - jesperi kotkaniemi *

                                    

                                          
WC: 2601
Song associated with this story: "Tulipalo" by KUUMAA 
**Translation: "Fire" by KUUMAA
*Mentions of abuse and rape*
"How are things with you and your boyfriend doing?" Jesperi asked from across the table, taking a sip of his caramel mocha coffee. A cool breeze blew past, blowing some dead, crinkled, brown leaves across the sidewalk and around in the air of downtown Raleigh.
I frowned, shrugging. "Not as good as I would hope," I responded, focusing on his deep brown eyes to not steer this conversation into the dumpster. 
He raised an eyebrow, setting the coffee cup back down gently on the table. "How come? If that's okay for me to ask," he questioned, looking concerned. 
Jesperi and I have always been friends since we met at a charity event the Carolina Hurricanes were hosting to raise money for their sled hockey program. He was practically a best friend to me, and I told him about everything that was going on in my life; even the worst things. He's heard it all. And since I had a boyfriend of two years, dating before Jesperi and I first met, I couldn't have the chance of even considering dating the Finnish phenom. If I wanted to, of course. 
Of course, my boyfriend has tried all he can to prevent mine and Jesperi's friendship, since he thinks it's considered, well, cheating. Even if I don't talk or show interest in pursuing any kinds of romantic attraction towards my friend, Jason will still consider me even breathing the same air as Jesperi as cheating. But oh, if his friend's got a girlfriend or something, he's allowed to hang out with her. It's like a double edged hockey stick, me getting the sharper end of the shaft.
I sighed, taking a small bite out of my cheese and herb croissant. "Oh, just the usual. Blames me for everything, blames me for him being violent because he drank too much vodka martinis the night before, thinks the bruises on my neck are hickeys either from you or another guy even though Jason was the one who hit me...you know, the usual at this point." I told Jesperi. 
He frowned, looking down at his Adidas sneakers, then back up to meet my gaze. "You know he's being abusive and taking control over you, right," he said, as if I didn't already know this. 
Jesperi raised an eyebrow, then lowered it. "Not to mention he's...well...he's raped you a few times too," he muttered, that way nobody around us could hear what he said and turn their heads. That was the last thing I wanted; people staring at us for something that isn't really supposed to be talked about in general.
I sighed, taking a sip of my iced caramel latte. "Yeah, but I love him," I told him, nearly shedding a tear at the jumbled thought of all of the wrong things Jason has done to me while we were together, dating way back before I had met Jesperi.
Jesperi sighed and glanced back down at his feet, then back up to me. "Chloe, you're crying," he told me, reaching over to put his warm, comforting, and soft hand in mine. 
My face reddened, staring into the hazel speckles scattered across his deep brown eyes, focused on our hands on the table. 
His face also starts to redden, then he takes his hand away. He faces toward the coffee shop we got our coffee from, which we were sitting in the outdoor area out by the sidewalk. He turned his head back to face me again.
"You know this is not okay," he said, and of course I knew it wasn't okay. It was more than just it being "not okay." It was abuse. It was sexual assault. I could press charges against Jason if I really wanted to. But I couldn't. 
I was blinded by his love spell.
How he would take care of me and caress me whenever he wasn't influenced by alcohol or sexual desire always melted me, almost making my body feel like Jell-O.