LCO | Ch. 40: Boy Talk

                                    

                                          
It's chilly tonight. Could fall be starting?
Yaoyorozu thought this absently from her bedroom balcony as she stared up at the sky. There was no moon tonight—only a dappling of clouds and stars, sprinkled across the horizon like a majestic oil painting. There was a foresty scent that wafted up from the ground below, and it mingled with a lavender scented Harlem candle burning on her desktop. She'd left her sliding door open to collect the breeze, and kept the lights low to stay a slight headache.
Even with the relaxing atmosphere however, Yaoyorozu's mind remained troubled.
Todoroki's face came back to her memory every time she tried to banish it. Mixed feelings—suppressed hope when he'd taken her hands, and a twinge of eagerness when she'd moved in close. She could still remember all of the details clearly in her mind: the slight scent of soap and shampoo from his morning shower, the length and color of his eyelashes (on his right eye, they were subtly lighter. She hadn't ever noticed that before)...
A part of her still wished she would've done it. He had been so close to her—he'd touched his forehead to hers, but no. Even amongst her desire, even despite how loudly her heart had screamed, she'd refused to kiss him.
After all, she couldn't.
In the end, though she'd managed to stay her feelings out of respect for Todoroki's relationship, she had gotten him trapped in a very harrowing situation. For one, Uraraka now knew what Yaoyorozu's advances looked like. She'd caught them in that close proximity, and though she hadn't reacted in outrage like Yaoyorozu had expected, she was still worried of how things might change.
The second problem however, was much, much worse.
Midoriya... Midoriya saw us.
The ugly expression he'd made in reaction to seeing them had brandished a permanent scar on her memory. Because of her, Todoroki's friendship with him was in near shambles. Everyone else pretended not to notice, but Midoriya avoiding Todoroki was too obvious of a circumstance for them to simply ignore. You didn't make Midoriya mad. It just wasn't something that could be done.
I may have just ruined everything, she wallowed, slinking her head into her arms as she leaned against her balcony, I took things too far today. I should've known better—why did I do that?
It was something she thought about a lot these days. Her regular poise and meticulousness had been regressing as of late. Todoroki often did that to her—something about the way he teased her made her forget those restraints, and behave uncouthly at unprecedented moments. A part of her both enjoyed and felt annoyed by that fact; it was usually relaxing to let her guard down for a while.
At the moment however, she only felt ashamed by it.
I've let myself grow complacent, she internally cursed at herself, placing a hand over the area around her heart, I went too far—overstepped my place. Despite everything, Todoroki still belongs to Uraraka, while I remain as nothing more than a dear friend of his. In my naïve longing I'd forgotten that.
Disgusted with herself, she grabbed the railing of her balcony and stared down at the ground with a mixture of pain and envy in her heart—hair draping over her shoulders like a black veil.
I've got to stop this. O-or else... or else Midoriya will never forgive him. Yes... she closed her eyes, I'll go back to the way things were before. Dignified. Careful. Me. That way... that way I can stop the unthinkable from happening. It's the least I can do for ruining this for him.
Admitting that stung more than swallowing a thousand needles. She wanted to love him so badly—she'd been trying her hardest as Uraraka's rival to win Todoroki over, and a part of her had started to believe she'd finally won him. After the kiss on her cheek, the sunflower dream, and everything else beforehand, she'd thought she had succeeded. It certainly seemed that way at the time, but...