19

                                    

                                          
Jungkook's pov(finally T^T)
I am breathing at a steady rate, but still my chest is tightened. I was feeling nauseous, which I tried to hide very well and succeeded. It felt like someone was squeezing out my gut.
But when my eyes got locked with the brown orbs, it felt like something unexplainable, it felt like, finally I had some relief.
It felt like home.
Taehyung came home all tired and exhausted. I wasn't here in the past two days, so I didn't know he was overworking. So I did what my heart wanted, I intentionally fed Seokjin hyung a lie. So that he can rest. But Taehyung's eyes flickered sadness, when he looked at me for the last time. And the previous pain in my chest came back with a whole lot of force. It hurted. It hurt to see him like this, and the reason for my hurt is the sadness that washed over him - when our eyes got locked.
Does he hate me?
The burn in my chest has increased, since I got to know that, I killed the culprits who were actually portrayed as one. I am not feeling pity for them, they are anything but innocent. They had done deeds which were filthy, but I don't care about their doings. What I wanted was revenge.
And I will get it.
"Kook, so things will go accordingly, and we will stick to your plan. Eomma and appa are visiting Seoul soon, so we are looking forward to meeting both of you." I nodded at Namjoon hyung's words, walking beside him, I stood at the main door when they exited along with Jimin who smiled at me before sitting in the car and leaving. Closing the door behind me, I walked inside, loosening the tie in between.
Removing the tie, I glanced at the knot while ascending the stairs, the clicking of my loafers was there only sound resonated in the whole silent house. The knot was a little messy now, since it has been days since it was knotted, it is the same tie I wore at the party. Same knot which was tied by Taehyung.
"Taehyung." The words rolled off my tongue before I could have stopped myself. I'm tired of pretending as if Taehyung's presence does not affect me, when he is the only person that has intrigued me like this, because as funny as it sounds, Taehyung is all I think of nowadays.
It is terrifying to me, how easily Taehyung has entered into my personal space, leaving me restless with every eye contact. His eyes held the power to make me forget about my existence, and I'm afraid, but I don't know why, but his touches are going to be the death of me.
He affected me like no one has ever done, and no one will ever do. He is the first person who made me feel things, which I didn't know I was capable of feeling.
Entering my cold room, which is cold all the time, because it lacks Taehyung. Funny isn't it? I think about him all the time, but does he ever think of me like this? Do I deserve to be in his thoughts, because I'm not oblivious, and I know I'm everything but a good husband. I don't know what we are? Are we married? Because I never behaved like one. And Taehyung never asked me to become one. Behave like one. Be the one.
I should do things on my own, I know. But i didn't wish Taehyung to just remain silent and tolerate whatever I was doing, or behaving. I want him to tell me that he wants things to work out between us. I want them to work out. I am a coward, who does not know how to express himself, I accepted myself long ago, but now I want my husband to understand me. But the question is - do I deserve it? Do i deserve Taehyung?
No. I don't deserve him, he doesn't deserve me. I have blood in my hands of hundreds people, people he would not have met in his whole life. I killed people ruthlessly, I kill people and I will kill people, because that is what I am good at.