Learning to Fall

                                    

                                          
 May 6th, 2015
         I stood ready to defend my brother and my love as I watched the man with the purple skin Thor had just brought to life stare at its reflection in the windows of Stark's tower. The soldier leaped over the barrier, landing softly behind the three of us; his shield raised as Thor held his arm aloft ordering him silently to halt. I did not trust this man, and knowing that he and Eibhlin were not fans of one another, made me all the more distrustful of the stoic captain.

    The floating man turned, clothing his body in a symbiotic uniform that somehow mirrored that of Thor's armor, cape included as he approached Thor, apologizing. I noticed immediately that he sounded like me, though his calmly reserved behavior was more Eibhlin. It seemed this humanoid had chosen parts of each of us who had fought to gift him life; though whether that was a bad idea or not was left to be determined. 

    I listened as the soldier, the beast, and the billionaire argued over just that. While I agreed that Stark had done something amazing, I was tentatively leaning toward the side of the captain despite myself. I quickly changed my stance though as he referred to me as a murderer. I opened my mouth but it was Eibhlin who stepped forward, lifting her dagger toward the man she had once fought beside threateningly. Everything suddenly became clear as to why they did not get along. The captain lived in a black-and-white world where there was only ever right or wrong; Eibhlin existed in a world of greys. 

    Thor pushed her dagger down carefully; his hand on her wrist as he did so to avoid the glimmering energy of the Bifróst hungrily seeking organic material. He gave her a gentle look, as if to remind her of her place, though the three of us knew it was more to keep her from destroying the soldier before her. A mistake he would not make twice if he ever saw Eibhlin's true power; power that I truly believed she had still only brushed the surface of. 

    "I looked into your head and saw annihilation," the heavily accented woman Thor had warned us of on our journey from Asgard back to Midgard snarled. "How is it that you can help bring peace when that is all I can see?" 

    "Look again," the purple-skinned humanoid offered her, his eyes watching the red woman almost as closely as she watched him. 

    While Barton upped the tension of the room, I reached for Eibhlin. I needed to feel the warmth of her touch as Thor began to tell them all how I had been just as manipulated as the red woman and her lightning strike of a brother. My grip tightened as eyes fell on me, though not as harshly as it did when the humanoid made a comment that felt vaguely threatening. I pulled her tightly to me, more than willing to kill the newlyborn man where he stood, ready to defend her against anyone who dared question her as Thor stepped up to him. He defended Eibhlin, though that only seemed to put more scrutiny on her. Scrutiny that led to Eibhlin being called into question with the same fear as the humanoid. 

    I turned to the blonde man in his simple suit, the red woman's brother as he pointed at Eibhlin, demanding to know why no one should fear her as they feared the purple entity. I met his pale eyes, my tone cold as I told him to choose his next words carefully. "You think you scare me? I have seen creatures far more intimidating than your greasy self when I rise for breakfast."

    "Pietro, shut up. These men are gods..."

    "And? Magneto likened himself to a god, look where that got him, us..." 

    I watched the dark-haired woman's pale face, her eyes softening at her brother's words. I wanted to ask who this Magneto was as a part of me hoped it was the same being that I had called Mad Titan yet I knew this was illogical. I continued to study the siblings as Captain Rogers and Stark bickered. Thor had claimed that their abilities had come about as they were through the power of the Mind Stone that now resided in the purple being he had gifted life to. He had also seemed to finally accept that such a stone had done the same to me. Still, I wondered if my abilities had been manipulated, or worse, hindered since my time under the enchantment of the Mind Stone. 

    Eibhlin pulled from my side, shouting for the leaders of Earth's so-called mightiest heroes to stop bickering. I hissed her name quietly, trying to pull her back to no avail. She was far too stubborn sometimes, more so when the fight she was demanding they focus on was not our own. 

    "Eve's right," the beast playing as though he was a man stated, his eyes cast down to the floor for a moment. "We have to focus on taking down Ultron, just as soon as we can figure out where he is."

    "I can answer that," Barton called, hopping down through the glass he had shot out shortly before the humanoid man had been awoken. He called out the name of a location, muttering about how they had the Romanov woman there as well. It was an interesting turn as the last villain they had all fought, myself, had taken Barton captive. I wondered if this was a common turn of events for the alleged 'master assassins'. 

    As the soldier called for Stark to send his robotic army to the location Barton had announced with less fanfare than he was used to, I pulled Eibhlin to me once more. I wanted to be back on Asgard with her. Back where we had managed to earn a little recognition and appreciation for all that we were capable of, instead of here where we were looked at with suspicion. This wasn't our fight; we had not created the metal monster raining down destruction on Midgard nor had it come here on its own. What good were the Avengers if they couldn't protect one planet while Eibhlin, Thor, and I were charged with the care of nine? 

    My focus was pulled as I watched the humanoid pick up Mjolnir, and with surprising ease. I felt a lump in my throat, a deep rage building from my feet to my head as I shook. This, this was not right, not fair! How in the hell was that thing able to lift the king's hammer when I wasn't? Nothing made sense anymore!

    Even Thor seemed overwhelmed by the implications of this situation. I watched as he took the hammer held aloft by the purple being before it turned, floating off to Bor knew where. After patting the billionaire's shoulder and muttering a few words of praise, Thor followed after it, forcing me to jog behind him. I had to remind him that my work here was done; there was no reason for Eibhlin and me to stay, not when we had work elsewhere to take care of. I paused mid-step, almost causing Eibhlin to crash into me as I realized just what I had thought. When had I begun to care so deeply about the Nine; when had I begun to care about anything other than myself and Eibhlin? It felt... odd. 

    Instead of understanding and agreeing with me though, both Thor and Eibhlin reminded me that Midgard was part of the Nine, making this a fight that did require our attention. As much as I hated to agree, I did; though there was one aspect of all of this that unnerved me. While I couldn't take the Mind Stone without potentially killing the man who now carried it, what was to stop him or it from attempting to control me once more? What if I was still susceptible to the programming within the stone that the Mad Titan and The Other had forced upon me? "How can you trust that I will not betray you all again," I asked them, stepping closer to Eibhlin knowing that she would help to calm me even at a slight distance. 

    "Because you trust me," she said simply; "That is enough for now." 

    I groaned in frustration. This was not how this conversation was supposed to go. She was right though; I did trust her, impeccably so. "Fine. Fine. We will stay," I said flailing my arms to shake out the nervous tension I held within. I turned to Thor, lifting my finger to pointedly let him know what I would do if anything happened to my Little Dove. Her voice, harsh in its accusation that I acted as if she was unable to protect herself. I knew she could, I told her so, yet she didn't seem to comprehend that even though I knew this, I didn't ever want to risk her... "This is not an enemy we have had a chance to study, nor land we know," I tried, hoping that would be enough to calm her while simultaneously making her reconsider. 

    "Has that ever stopped me before? I had never been to Midgard before I came to bring you home." 

    Again, I could not argue with her, yet it did nothing to calm my nerves. I searched for the right words, to tell her that I would be lost if something happened to her. Taking her hands gently in mine, I savored the feel of them as I pleaded once more and I hated pleading; it was only one step above begging. I needed her to understand that my fear wasn't rooted in a misguided belief that she couldn't take care of herself, but in my lack of control. I couldn't stop something from happening to her if it came down to it, there was no bargain I could pretend to strike with this Ultron like there had been with the Mad Titan... I just wanted her to be and stay safe. 

    "With all due respect, you did not have control last time either," she gently reminded me, my hands releasing her as a deep sense of dread and acceptance washed over me. There was nothing I could say to change her mind; she was going on this damnable mission whether I liked it or not. I heard her sigh as my shoulders sagged with reluctant submission, her fingers coming gently up my throat to linger at my chin, as she tilted my face back toward her. Thor slunk away, at least I had that going for me. "I understand your fears but I trust Thor, I trust the others, and above all else, I trust you."

    I took her hand, running my thumb lazily over her knuckles. I didn't deserve her trust. I still wasn't quite sure if I ever had, yet here she stood, still loyal to me in ways no one else ever had. I had no idea why she was able to trust me so effortlessly, how she could look at someone like me after all I had done and still think that I was redeemable. Maybe that was just who she was, or perhaps that was what soulmates did. It was a strange thing to think, that I had a soulmate... Mother seemed certain, and for some reason so did Eibhlin. Why couldn't I, or was I just afraid out of an ever-greater fear of what could befall her simply for loving me? 

    As she struggled to take my playful teasing as that and nothing more, my attempt to break the tension fell even flatter when she admitted that she only struggled to accept compliments because of the way I and the others had treated her in our youth. I wanted to reassure her further, to comfort her, yet as the soldier and the billionaire came near, I stopped myself. Forever a coward when it came to my emotions... I followed her up and onto the plane, buckling in beside her. I could feel her take my hand anxiously as the soldier drowned on about what our task was and the importance of why we needed to execute it properly. I spared her glance just as she did me, my grasp tightening on her hand, her thumb rolling over my knuckles this time. I needed to find those words, I needed to find the strength to tell her how much I loved her, just in case there was not the opportunity to do it after today. I wasn't sure how I'd do it... But I knew that without her, I truly would be an extinguished star.