12. mama's boy

                                    

                                          
4:47 PM 
"Thanks for dropping us off, EJ!" Nat Said.
"No problem!" I smiled. I waited for my sister to leave the car. "Well, tomorrow you wanna come over?" 
I knew whatever I was doing with EJ was a bad idea, but I don't wanna stop. 
"Yeah, I'll be there." He went to kiss me rapidly, and pulled away. "Bye, Eej."
12:03 AM
"Nat! Ricky! Come downstairs!" I was writing a few songs. I've been very off track since EJ came in. "Guys!"
"Yeah! I'm coming!" I turned off my laptop and walked down the stairs to find the whole family sitting together. The walls turned grey and the laughters faded away. "What's going on?" Nat was just as confused and scared as I was. 
"Guys, we need to talk to you guys about something really important." I sat down next to them. Rule 28: No matter what it is, put a brave face on. "It's about your mom and I."
"Yeah?" I asked, trying to look as calm as possible. Nat wasn't for sure. She was biting her nails. She bites her nails when she's nervous.
"So, your dad and I have been thinking a lot about us-"
"Before we say anything, Lynne, we just want you guys to know that we love you both so much and whatever happens, we apologize so deeply." What's happening? Dad let Mom resume.
"Your dad and I have decided to separate."
Boom.
A part of my heart fell down. I felt it sink and my throat getting closed. Why? What? How? When was this decided? What will happen with me and Nat? What if we never see each other again? "We've been going through-"
"No, no! Why? Why? Are you guys even trying?" I felt a million things coming to my brain as much. Rule 29: You can't have everything. 
I needed to break that rule, come on.
"Ricky, your dad and I have decided that this was going to be best! And also, we have been trying really hard to keep up, but not everything works out." I paused and let her speak what she needed to. "So we decided that Nat is going to come with me and you're gonna stay with Dad."
"WHAT?" Nat yelled. "No! Just because you guys are having problems, doesn't mean you get to separate us like this!" 
"This isn't fair! Mom, Dad!" Nat and I were trying to fight our truth. We also just moved here, didn't we? 
"Me and Nat are going to Massachusetts!" They're moving back? What?
"No! No! Stop! She's not going anywhere!" I went over to Nat and hugged her. 
"Ricky-"
"No, you know what? This is bullshit! Nat, come on, we're leaving." 
"Ricky you cannot just leave this house!" Mom yelled.
"Yeah I can! You're trying to take us away from each other!" Nat was crying, deeply in my chest. "Nattie, stay near the door, I'm coming." I stormed upstairs with Mom following me.
"Richard Bowen, you are NOT leaving this house!" I sped into Nat's room and grabbed the suitcase in her closet. "You don't know where you're going!"
"Yeah I do! Mom, I'm actually tired with this bullshit!" I laid the suitcase out on the desk and aggressively began to put some of Nat's clothes in there. "Everyday we were getting homeschooled, we would hear you guys yelling over bullshit, but we always had each other! We always had each other so we could survive all the things you guys did to us! Yelling, fighting, breaking things, threatening! I've been protecting her this entire time!" 
I closed the zipper of the suitcase and face to Mom. "Every night we were homeschooled, she would cry. I would hear her sobs from my room. I would ask what was wrong, and it'd always be you guys. AND YOU KNOW WHY? Mom, YOU KNOW WHY? Because you guys are irresponsible parents who need to put there children first, but no! Instead, you decide to throw this at us! And also, it's been really hard switching from homeschooling to public school, and you guys haven't helped at all! No, I've been helping Nat with it!"
"We have been trying to help-"
"See that's just it. You don't try to help! You try making it worse!" I went out of Nat's room and went to mine, and grabbed my suitcase.
"How long are you even planning on leaving?" She asked.
"I don't know! Until you guys sort your shit!" I packed my clothes and carried the suitcases downstairs. 
"Ricky! Stop! This is stupid!"
"No, Dad, is it?" I handed Nat her suitcase. "We're done. And what's gonna happen now is that we're gonna leave, okay? And when you guys finally decide to not separate Nat and I, then you will text me, and I'll come back." I looked at my dad, and then looked at my mom. 
I've always been a mama's boy. I love my mom.
And my dad.
But not now.
12:34 AM
"Ricky, where are we going?" Nat asked me.
"To a friend's house." It was raining like cats and dogs, and the thunder rumbling in the air made me wanna punch a wall. I'm not letting Mom take Nat to Massachusetts. 
Never. 
I parked by EJ's house and knocked on the door. I gave Nat my hoodie and she covered her head with it. I was sobbing quietly as the cold rain poured onto my skin. My tears blended with the cold haze. 
The door opened and it was EJ. "Ricky, what are you doing here?" He looked at my purple cold lips, down to my wet curls and white shirt that was soaking from the rain. "Hey Nat...come."
Nat went inside, as EJ walked outside and closed the door. "Ricky, what are you doing here?"
"Can I stay with you?" I pleaded. My voice broke as the tears in my eyes streamed down to where I could taste the sadness. "P-Please, EJ, I don't have anywhere to go, and I trust you. I'm really scared and sad and I..." as I kept rambling, he grabbed my head and pulled it towards his chest, to where I burst out into tears. The thunder was overlapping with my wails. "Please, EJ, I need you." I started to cry into his chest. The rain in the background was pounding onto the floor, like drums. "I need you so badly right now, I need you."
"Okay, okay. Shh, it's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine." he whispered into my ears as I cried so deeply into his chest. These weren't pretty cries. They were ugly, and loud, and sad. You could hear the anxiety ringing through your ears as you listen to the wails of it. 
That's how I felt. 
"You're safe with me." EJ kissed my forehead and brought me in closer towards a hug. 
And that was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made in my life. 
Ever.