the heart im breaking is my own

                                    

                                          
it's harry? No it's not a question I know it's him. I know what his head looks like. Obviously I'd know that's him. I know that boy in and out, through and through.
I know what Harry's like, this is so Harry. When something goes wrong , when he's stressed , when he's anxious, upset , angry or nervous, he prefers to be alone. 
He never likes to see anyone see him hurting. He always wants to be this perfect guy, he wants no one to see right through him. 
When I mean see through him, I don't mean the small cracks and hiccups he has every now and again around the troops. I'm talking everything behind the crumbling wall. The wall only I can see through. Only me.
When we were together, I could always tell when something was up with him. And with a lot of begging I'd tend to get whatever it was out of him. Don't get me wrong it didn't happen often but he had his days. It was the same the other way around.
He always knew when something was wrong with me, how to cheer me up with a stupid joke or his cheeky smile that I miss so much. His cuddles his sweet kisses and his stupid laugh that echoes through my entire body. Haunts it.
"hey parks you okay?" Ethan shakes me out of my trance, harry.
"uhm yeah it's just" I look back towards Ethan who had a concerned look on his face. 
"I'm going to go a stroll on the beach just to clear my head, if that's okay?" I ask shyly, silently praying he won't clock the dirty blonde sitting in the bench out at the sandy beach.
"you don't need to ask of course love just be back in ten or your pizza will get cold" he chuckled and I let out a giggle before pulling out of my chair and walking down to the beach.
Marbella, by the way, was stunning. The palm trees were swaying, the sunset was pink and the sun was gleaming golden shining directly in my hazel eyes, making me temporarily blind.
Finally I made my way to the sandy area of the beach, removing my shoes so I'm bare foot and sinking then into the fine sand. 
I make a left and walk the busy beach. At this time of evening you wouldn't expect it to be busy but believe me it was. Despite it being busy it wasn't chaotic, rather peaceful.
I kept my head down to the sand not daring to look up till I was closer to him. I lifted my green dress so sand wouldn't get on it and not so gracefully glided down the beach, finally approaching my destination.
There he was, lost deep inside his mind. What he was thinking of i have no clue. 
Unwanting to awkwardly disturb him and pull him away from his thoughts, I simply step a few feet forward and place myself next to him on the bench, causing him to not even flinch, simply stare out at the ocean, and so did I.
There was a silence between us two. Not a comfortable one but not an uncomfortable one. It was just right?
"parks" Harry says quietly, not taking his gaze of the ocean, waves crashing into one another.
"haz" I say back, slowly turning my head to admire his face, giving me a chance to admire it. A sad and overwhelmed expression written all over it.
Finally , after eternity he breaks his eyes away from the water and to me, his eyes were on me.
"I'm sorry for storming out" he whisper's disappointed in himself letting his head drop which I quickly pick back up.
"hey, you have nothing to be sorry for okay. If anyone's to be sorry it's me." I began.
"I've been the one who's been a bitch. I left you for not reason, I mean you gave me everything a girl could want, love , time and showed me you really really cared about me. And then I decided to fuck it up. And there really is no reason why I done it. Because truly I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Harry what you said about you still loving me and saying it wasn't even worth it, do you really think that?" My voice broke looking at him with teary eyes.
"yes." he said sadly, sounding unsure of his own words.
"please Harry believe me when I say it's not. You think I don't have feeling for you and they all fizzled away, they haven't. They are still there they are BURNING in there. I still love you too and I hate myself that I let you go. I hate that you think I don't like you. I hate that you think I don't have feeling towards you at all anymore. I hate that I made you feel like I didn't love you anymore. I've done this all to myself, I've don't this to us, to you. And I promise Harry I'm so sorry and I hate myself for all of this and I'm just a complete fuck up" I sighed with tears now streaming down my face, and Harry with water building up in his.
No other words had to be said. What could be said?
Nothing.
Harry put out his arm which I gladly excepted and I rested my head on his shoulder, he rested his on top of mine. We sat close together, hugging if you will, looking out at the beach silently sobbing with eachother.