Chapter 46

                                    

                                          

                                                                          Ryan's POV
                                            *Two weeks later*
It's unusually quiet for this time of day, I thought to myself on the silent elevator ride up to Alex's apartment. Noon in the city usually made for a circus. I'm not used to being able to focus...being able to think. And right now I'm hyper aware of everything. The swift noise of the elevator as it journeys from floor to floor...the heat from the container of soup that scalds my fingers, and the dread sitting in between my chest and my ribcage—not that I ever dread seeing Alex, but these days I sort of do.
It's been two weeks since Alexander's passing, which is odd to think about. It simultaneously feels like two seconds and two decades since we were all in Aruba and everything went horribly downhill. Since then, I've spent the time vacillating between my many emotions. 
I can't say I'm sad that Alexander is dead. I'm unsure whether that makes me a bad person or not, but I can stomach being a bad person so long as I am an honest one. And I truthfully don't have it in me to grieve somebody who tried to hurt the person I love most in the world. 
Even though I am indifferent about Alexander, I am heartbroken for Maggie. 
Following the news, she and Aaron were forced to abandon their plans of marriage to deal with what happened.
Instead of spending their wedding day at the altar, they spent it in a coroner's office, identifying Alexander's lifeless body. 
We all flew home the following day, and things haven't been the same since.
I'm fully aware of what the cycle of grief entails, but I was totally unprepared for the way Alexandra would push me away completely. From the moment we landed, she's been distant, under the guise of "needing space." I respected it. This is a lot to process. Alexander was someone she once cared for. Now she's stuck in the aftermath of both his assault, and his death. 
I understood her need for space, but there's only so much space I can give her. 
Alexander's burial was earlier this week...she and I both agreed that it would be best to not attend, but I have not seen her in the flesh since.
The elevator chimes, indicating that I have reached Alex's floor. With a deep breath in, I depart and head towards her door. 
I only knock twice before I hear the shuffling of her feet, and the twisting of the nob.
"I thought we were going to meet tomorrow," is the first thing she says to me. Her eyes hardly meet mine.
"I know, but I brought you some food." I reply, holding up the steaming bag of Pho that I traveled all the way to her favorite vietnamese restaurant to get. "I figure you haven't eaten yet."
"No time to eat."
She barely even looks at me before she ventures back into her apartment. 
I know she doesn't mean to be cold—I don't even think she's aware of it half the time. Something has shifted in Alexandra. She's completely withdrawn from life, and withdrawn from me.
"I have an interview at a fashion agency tomorrow. I need to get my shit together," Alex scatters around her living room, frantically messing with the documents that rest on her coffee table. "It's only a secretary position. I will probably need to get a waitressing job on top of it if I want to keep living here."
"Well, I still think you should eat something." I insist, grabbing a bowl from her cabinet. "You can't function on an empty stomach."
"I think I'll function just fine."