Chapter 50 - Is it wrong?

                                    

                                          

Brick
I storm out of Dirty. She's lying to me. But why? And why the fuck is she with Dustin? There's no fucking way she likes him. I refuse to believe that.
Standing in the icy wind, I try to breathe. She came back, and she didn't tell me. She's here. At UNI. Was JD right? Is she over me?
Why wouldn't she tell me herself? I assumed JD was lying. That he was just trying to keep me away from her. But what if he wasn't? What if she really doesn't want me and she couldn't even tell me?
Seeing her through the window had my heart jumping for fucking joy. Like a child on Christmas. I thought this meant... something.
But as I rushed inside, the strangeness of it all hit me. She's back, and she didn't tell me. And now she's on a date with someone else.
"Brick?" Her voice cuts through me like a blade of pleasure that just enhances the surrounding pain.
"You didn't tell me you're back." I brace myself before I turn. If Dustin is with her, I'm not sure what I'll do.
She shivers as she pulls her jacket closed. She's alone. A few people move around us on the sidewalk and she shifts, as if she's uncomfortable around me.
"There's no point." She keeps her eyes on my chest. "We're over."
"Just like that?"
"I... I got what I wanted. Our deal is over. I don't need you anymore."
My chest tightens and my mouth falls open. "Is that all I was to you? A way to lose your virginity?"
A pained, sad look flashes across her face so briefly I'm not even sure it was there to begin with. But it's a look that gives me hope.
"What else?" she says with a shrug.
"You can't be serious." There is no way she is acting this callous without a reason.
"I have to go." Another glimpse of the sadness takes over her eyes as she turns away.
"Did I do something?" I know I can be an ass from time to time, but I thought we were good. Aside from the drama with JD.
She looks back at my hand, grabbing her arm and I pull it away as if burned. I didn't even realize I reached out for her.
"It just isn't working. You know that." She walks away and I want to swear and punch something.
I stare after her until she disappears. Was it all in my imagination? Did she not feel anything for me? I really thought she felt the same. That she loved me, too.
"Fuck," I say under my breath. "I love her." How did I not realize that before it was too late? What do I do now? I thought I knew her, but the way she's acting... Something isn't right. And I'll be damned if I let her get away like this.
That brief flicker of sadness replays in my mind. I refuse to believe that she's that indifferent to me. There has to be a reason. And I will figure it out.
I walk to class and force myself to release the tension in my jaw. There has to be something I can do. Some way to get her back.


As I enter the hockey house, I'm met with laughter from the living room. All day I've been wracking my brain to figure out what I did to make kitten hate me.
I drop my stuff in my room. JD, Wes, and Ethan are on the couch, playing. They look like they don't have a care in the world. JD laughs and says something I can't hear through the whooshing in my ears. He gets up and sees me.
With a squint in my direction, he walks toward the kitchen.
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me she's back?" I ask and cross the floor to stand in front of him.
"Why should I?" He stares at me, but I'm not having it.
"Were you ever going to tell me?"
Ethan and Wes have gone quiet and the only sound is the game.
"It's none of your business." He straightens and I know he's not going to back down.
"None of my business?"
"That's right. She made her choice, and it's not you."
"Are you telling me she chose Dustin?"
JD scoffs. "Did you really think she would choose you?" He laughs as if it's all a funny joke. "Did you honestly think a girl like Kat would want to be with a pervert like you?"
I see red. Fury mixed with terror at the thought of him being right swirls inside me. I clench my fists tightly at my sides and take deep breaths through my nose.
No. The anger settles over the anguish and disgust I feel for myself, hiding it. I cannot focus on the truth behind his words.
"That's not fair," Ethan says softly. "It's not like what he likes is all that weird."
JD's jaw tightens. "It's something my sister should never be exposed to. Who knows what he might make her do?" The contempt is unhidden in JD's eyes, and it takes me aback.
"I would never ask her to do something she's not comfortable with. Never make her do anything she doesn't want to do. She knows that."
"You think she knows what she wants?" The anger is so strong on JD's face I almost sympathize with him. "She's a fucking virgin. She has no idea what's normal and I'm not going to sit by and watch as some sexed up weirdo corrupts her. And if you cared about her at all, you'd feel the same way and stay away from her."
A chill travels down my spine. Does he honestly think I'd ever hurt her? That I wouldn't have her best interest at heart?
"Fuck you," I say and turn my back on him.
"Brick?" Ethan calls out, but I ignore him and head to my room. I close the door with shaking hands and feel like I'm about to throw up. Is JD right? Am I bad for her?
Nausea churns my stomach and I sprint for the bathroom, barely making it in time. Fuck. I empty my stomach and curse every part of my body that wants what it wants.