lacy

                                    

                                          
Harry 
"You're looking good H, really good." Sarah smiled, putting her bag down and placing her sunglasses on her head. 
I smiled, bringing her into a tight hug and breathing in the scent of her floral perfume. It been a week or so since I'd seen the band so it was a sweet reunion. When you spend so much time together on tour, it's weird to separate. 
"How have you been?" She asked, sitting on the sofa next to Mitch. She slipped gently under his arm, like she was always supposed to be there. They were such a perfect fit. 
I nodded, "I've been good, it was a good break. Getting back to reality before the last run." 
We had a week break from tour and I thought it was time to go home. I went to see my mum and sister and get myself back to reality for a while. Whatever age I got, if things got hard, I always needed to see my mum. 
She could see that I was struggling, dragging myself through the last stages of tour whilst battling heartbreak, guilt and recovery. 
I was honest with her, as honest as I could be, telling her how hard it had been to deal with all of this whilst being on the road. She was very kind and supportive, just being the best person. We had a normal week, seeing family, having BBQ's in the garden and playing Monopoly. 
Normalcy, god how I had craved a bit of normalcy. When i was off that stage, I wanted it all to go away. I loved performing, I loved the crowds but in my day to day life I needed to be me. 
Gemma had stopped in for a day and was happy to see me slightly back to normal. We all organised them coming out to the last dates of tour in LA next month, then I would have to decide if I was staying in LA to recoup and write the album or come back to London. 
"How is Anne?" Mitch asked kindly, tuning his electric guitar on the opposite side of the room now. 
"She's really well, helped me feel like myself again." 
Sarah nodded, clearly pleased to hear this, "So are we re-recording some of Golden?" 
Mitch looked up quickly, "H is going to play us something new aren't you H?" 
His mischievous smirk made me roll my eyes, "No. I told you it's not for the album, it's just something I penned down when I was at home last week."
"Come on mate! You sent me some lyrics and I want to hear the melody? We have so much time to record, let's just play?" Mitch pleaded, sliding down to his knees in front of me. 
I burst out laughing at this, "It's nothing, it's..." 
"What's it called? Have you got a title?" Sarah asked. 
"No, well, I don't know. It's a slow one I think, gentle, but has undertones of jealousy but also admiration." I explained, running one hand through my hair. 
"Cheery!" Mitch chuckled. 
Sarah rolled her eyes, "Okay, just play it acoustic. If it's not for the album it can be benched."
I nodded, "Just feels like so many sad songs, could it be repetitive?" 
A follow up album had become even more pressure than the first. Keeping up momentum was scary, I wanted to sell records but I wanted to make something I loved. 
Something Syd and I had in common was how much we loved writing. Maybe it wasn't going on the album, but we could still play it. That was what we loved doing, it's what brought us all here. 
"Okay, I'll play it and then we can talk, see what we think." I said, slipping my guitar strap over my head. 
Mitch and Sarah sat back up on the sofa, snuggled in close to listen intently to my music. My audience of two. 
"Lacy oh lacy, skin like puff pastry, aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?" I started, plucking the guitar on my lap. 
Dear angel Lacy, eyes bright like daisies
Did I ever tell you that I'm not doing well?

I had been writing with Mitch and Kid where we could during tour. I knew we had a vision and a theme for the album, it was starting to come together. However, I had a few songs that I would have to look after and not put out for now. 
I was trying to escape the psychedelic heart break of it all, slowly inching towards something more peaceful. The album in my mind was light fluffy, pancakes and hash browns. 
But that would have to come later. 

Ooh, I care, I care, I care
Like perfume that you wear
I linger all the time
Watchin', hidden in plain sight

I wanted this song to feel like a lingering smell of perfume, it left behind a trail which was sometimes the greatest feeling but at others it was torture. 

Ooh, I try, I try, I try
But it takes over my life
I see you everywhere
The sweetest torture one could bear 

Smart sexy Lacy, I'm losing it lately
I feel your compliments like bullets on skin
Dazzling starlet, Bardot reincarnate
Well, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist?

It killed me how sweet she had been, inviting me to come to karaoke. After the shit me, Jaden and Jeff had pulled in New York, I thought she'd never speak to me again. 
I added the line Bardot reincarnate after flicking through my journal, piecing together some lyrics and notes I had written. When we were together, I had put a side by side of Sydney and Bridget with the words "Bardot reincarnate" underneath. 


Ooh, I care, I care, I care
Like ribbons in your hair
My stomach's all in knots
You got the one thing that I want
Ooh, I try, I try, I try
Try to rationalize
People are people
But it's like you're made of angel dust


The song to me, felt like how Sydney and I now were. She was like angel dust, she shone but she could disappear so easily. It was like I had her in my hands and suddenly she was gone. 
She was always my angel. 

Lacy, oh, Lacy, it's like you're out to get me
You poison every little thing that I do
Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just loathe you lately
And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you


The song was the juxtaposition of my feelings. In one way I loved her, I adored her, she was still the only woman I had ever loved. 
But jealousy and hurt creeped in, I hated how I had treated her and how I had lost her. I hated how much I missed her and how I couldn't move on, however hard I tried. 
Whatever I did, she was always be there. She did creep into my mind when I spoke to other women, when I used to be drunk I would call other women her name. It was embarrassing, but I was lovesick. 

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you


I finished plucking at the strings and heard the small group clap in excitement. 
"That's what I'm talking about, I can't believe you were going to hide that from us." Mitch chuckled patting my back. 
Nodding, I looked over at a smiling Sarah. I shut my book and my eyes flicked up before looking back down. Wait, I thought, I looked back up. 
In front of me, leaning casually across the room was Sydney. My eyebrows furrowed, I wasn't sure if she was real or not. Fuck, had she heard the whole song.
"Syd?" Mitch said, after piecing together my confused face. 
She lent on the doorframe, softly smiling, "Hey guys."