at your worst

                                    

                                          
a long update to apologise for my absence

Sydney 
"Wow 7 months of practice and you're still shit!" I laughed, quickly moving the console and tapping my feet. 
"You've been driving longer, it's an unfair advantage!" Jaden exclaimed, as he spun off the track. 
"Whatever, I taught you how to drive! You should be as good as me, loser." I teased, standing up from the race car simulator.
I suddenly heard a buzz across the apartment, "It's the pizza, can you go buzz them up?" Jaden asked. 
"Sure," I said crossing the room. Jaden and I were back in the city, staying at his apartment. 
He was pushing me to decide where I was going 
to shack up. For months I'd been living out of a suitcase, given, I was buying clothes everywhere I went. 
I needed to settle at some point. 
It was sad starting over again. I couldn't decide if I wanted to be back in New York because I was becoming accustomed to LA. Thinking about a house there didn't really feel like me, I needed real seasons, real winter. 
He knew I was craving some stability again, things could get wobbly when I didn't have routine. I had been back from Japan for two weeks and I was still getting back to normal. 
My whole plan to miraculously resolve everything with Harry didn't exactly work. We awkwardly said hi and avoided each other all night. It was all too staged, too planned. We weren't like that, we never have been. 
The band all left and they were back on tour the next day. That would be that for a while. Sarah told me Harry was going to London for a stop over and then was thinking of moving to LA for a while once tour was over. 
Since September, I hadn't been back to London. It didn't feel right to live there anymore, despite how desperately I wanted to. 
The pizza guy knocked on the door so I walked over and pulled it open. I was starving. 
However, as it opened, it was the last person on earth I ever expected to see. Standing opposite me, at Jadens apartment, was my mother. 
She looked different. 
Her hair was still brown but her greys were coming through and she hadn't touched them up. She was wearing a white tshirt and blue mom jeans, paired with some beat up tennis shoes. Her glasses were placed on her head, all jewellery was gone except the ring I gave her. 
She looked almost disheveled. The most disheveled a gorgeous and elegant woman in New York can. Almost if Lily Van der Woodsen was "disheveled". 
Without either of us saying a word, I slammed the door shut. I stood facing the closed door, my mouth agape.
"Yo, what was that?" Jaden asked, sitting up and looking over the couch at me. I was still stood frozen. 
I pointed at the door, "My mum, she's on the other side of the door." 
"Wait what? She's there? Fuckk." 
We both stood there for a few beats, silence engulfing us. 
"Is she still there?" He asked, walking over quietly. We both turned into kids when she was around, I always felt like she was gonna tell us off. 
"I'm here!" Juliet replied. 
"Maybe open the door." Jaden said slowly, walking over to me. 
I shook my head, suddenly coming back to reality, "No. You know what she did, I told her I'd never see her again. No fuck her!" I said raising my voice.