12

                                    

                                          
Maeve
I jump as reality creeps in and I realize I had a nightmare again. Technically it's not a dream. 
It's a memory.
I've become used to it by now, but it still leaves me scared to go to sleep at night because I never want to relive what happened again.
Now that I think about it, the first time in a year that I didn't dream of it was two nights ago, when I slept in Jaspers arms.
Jasper.
I can't believe I will see him again today. What we have has become like a fairytale to me. There's no way it's real. There's no way he actually likes me.
And even though a part of me thinks it's all just a dream, I don't want to wake up yet.
I don't care that the longer I dream, the more it hurts when I wake up. It's worth it.
He is worth it.
This is another day where I keep to my routine and take a look in the mirror before I have to leave for school. It's like a reminder of how unworthy I am and that I'll never forget or think people could actually like me. It might save me from getting hurt but it steals every chance of me becoming happy one day.
So I decide to change my routine a bit.
At this point I usually tell me what is wrong with me, I look deep into my eyes to tell me how great I am.
You're beautiful.
You have a bestfriend that loves you so much.
You are strong and brave.
You will be happy again.
I step out of my door, convinced today will be the day I break out of my shell.
No more hiding. No more being quiet. No more being a scared little girl.
                                    ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆
,,How are things with Theo?" I ask my best friend as she sits down beside me. First period on monday is always English and I'm particularly excited because I know Jasper will be sitting behind me.
Somehow I actually feel good today. I'm wearing a really pretty pleated skirt with a hoodie thats a little oversized. My hair is up in a ponytail and I'm wearing a real smile on my face for once.
That obviously has something to do with a certain boy. 
,,Fine I guess. We've been better but he's busy with helping his fathers business, you know?" She trys convinces me everything is okay but I think the person she's actually trying to convince is herself.
Theo and her have been together for a year now and they are basically the It-couple at our school, but I feel like things aren't working out that good right now. Theo's dad is CEO of this big surveillance company and he wants his son to follow in his footsteps. So obviously with school and working for his father he doesn't have much time for Avery.
I hope they work through it though. 
Even a blind person can see that these two are made for each other.
,,You should talk to him. Communication is important for a relationship, Ave."
,,Yeah well, talking about realtionships." Her eyes point to the door and then I see him.
He walks through the door so confidently.
His eyes fixate on me. Only me.
He smiles and it lights up the whole room.
I feel dizzy suddelny and I realize that I'm so gone for this man. 
He's making his way towards me. Not to his seat but to mine. Then he sits on his table as he faces me.
,,Hi." He says huskily.
,,Uhm...Hi." I burst out. 
Ugh, stop being so awkward!
,,How are you?" He asks me so genuinely, I feel like I might pass out right here.
,,I'm actually good and you?" I haven't been good for a long time now.
,,Me too."
He holds intensive eye contact and doesn't stop until Mr. Whitlock enters the classroom.
Immediately he turns around to the other side of the table and sits down, but not without whispering to me ,,Meet me at my car during break?" 
I nodd instantly, eager to talk to him without our whole class around us.
But now he does something that would make my knees buckle if I wasn't sitting, thank god.
He winks at me.
And it's something so simple that looks so hot.
I can't wait for this class to end.
I need to see him.
Two hours later I walk to the parking lot, where he is already waiting for me leaning against his car.
As he sees me a smile curves up on his lips and I can't help but smile too.
His golden hair is a little messy and he's wearing a white tshirt, that shows off his muscles way to well and a black jeans. His whole look makes my mouth go dry. 
He takes my hands into his and pulls me toward him. His touch feels electrical , like a lightning bolt going through every part of my body. 
As he pulls me into a hug I let out a relieved sigh. 
When I drop my head on his sholder it feels like all the weight on my shoulders falls off. I feel so... safe and at peace with him. 
I've always tried so hard to suck everything up and pretend like I'm fine and it's so relieving to be able to let everything out for once. 
,,You know, I missed you in biology." He mumbles into my ear.
,,Well it's not my fault you have bad taste. History is much better." I give a triumphant grin.
As if it was contagious he smiles too, showing off his dimples.
I never knew dimples could be so attractiv. 
My heart flips at the sight of him.
He is so handsome.
,,If you say so." He knows that he can't argue with me. One thing about me is that I am always right.
Then he leans in, closing the distance between us as he presses his soft lips to mine. 
I immediatly give in to the kiss, finding his rythm.
It feels so heavenly. Like swimming in the ocean, or falling softly into clouds. Kissing him feels like everything I've been trough wasn't for nothing, that there is something I'm meant for after all.
Our breathing is hurried, as if it were the end of the world, but on the contrary.
We have forever and I don't want to waste a single second. I want to keep kissing him until I take my last breath. 
Only that isn't possible because a loud ringing makes me realize where we are right now and I push myself away from him, breathing heavily.
,,Fuck. We gotta go." He says letting out a deep sigh.
Another simple thing that makes him even hotter.
He links his hand with mine as he leads me back to the school building. We both have math class together now and surprisingly when we enter the classroom he sits down next to me taking Avery's place. 
,,But-" I try to tell him that she sits here.
,,She won't mind." He assures me as he points to Ave sitting down next to Theo. Looks like they are on good terms again.
And to be honest as much as I like to sit next to Avery, the idea of having Jasper beside me for a double lesson sounds tempting.
So I nodd in agreement.
,,Maeve? Can you answer my question?" I startle at the harsh voice of my teacher. 
I don't even know what he's talking about.
All I can feel is the the heat shooting through my body as Jasper's hand moves along my thigh and I shiver.
,,Uh- What was the question again?" I stutter while trying to play it cool.
,,You should pay more attention, Meave. Perhaps someone else can answer?" He lets me off the hook giving his attention to somebody else.
Thank god.
When I turn my head to look at Jason again his face has suddenly gone dark. I pull at his sweater and as his eyes connect with mine, he looks haunted.