37

                                    

                                          
༻ Rose's POV ༺
My day had been incredibly shit.
All I'd wanted to do was run after Matt earlier, take his hand, and kiss him without giving a second thought to who was watching. I wanted to be that brave. To not care what other people thought. But that had never been me. I always been conscious of other people's opinions. Always tiptoed around others.
And now the person whose opinion mattered most was mad at me. 
I spent the rest of my morning dwelling on it. He thought I was ashamed of him and I hated it. How could he possibly think that? He was perfect in every single way. It was me I was ashamed of. He might not care about my background, my bank balance or which neighbourhood I'm from. He didn't care that I wore the same clothes to school every day, didn't care that my books were all second hand and that my bag was falling apart. Those things didn't matter to him. But I knew the rest of the school would care.
They'd have exactly the same opinion as Jake.
That I was a gold-digger. That I was with him for his money. That I was using him.
It was what they would think. It was what his family would think when they saw just how poor I really was. It was what his friends would think.
And eventually, it would be what he thought.
It made me feel sick to think of everyone around school with my name on their lips, my family in their heads and my secrets spreading through the halls like wildfire. All because Matt saw something in me. Something nobody had ever seen in me before.
I waited anxiously all day for lunchtime to come around and steeled my spine before walking the halls. Instead of heading towards the library, I made my way to the cafeteria. My heart pounded in time with my steps until I felt dizzy. I couldn't breathe by the time I reached the doors.
The cafeteria was like the hive for a colony of bees. Students swarmed around the tables, a permanent hum of chatter echoing around the room. It was difficult to differentiate Matt amongst the thick of people, or it would have been, had I not been drawn to him like magnets. That, and he towered above most.
He seemed to be in the very centre of the crowds, at a long table filled with other tall, muscly guys. I knew they were his teammates, and scattered amongst them were girls from the cheerleading squad, all long legs, curled hair and bright smiles. A few of them surrounded Matt and his friend, who I recognised as the guy Matt said lived with his family. His back was to me so I couldn't see his face but I could hear his laugh occasionally, loud enough to float across the room even over the roaring chatter. 
I suddenly found myself retreating, my confidence well and truly drained away. It was easy to forget just how popular he was when it was just us two, but standing there, watching him in his element, was like a slap in the face. Everyone that passed his table said hello to him, everyone turned to listen when he was speaking. I was drawn to him like the poles of a magnet, but clearly, so was everyone else. Our connection wasn't anything special. By the looks of it, everyone felt the same way about him that I did.
My stomach sunk as I continued to back out of the room. I didn't belong there, in the midst of all that. I belonged in the library, away from all these onlookers, away from the pretty girls that wanted Matt all to themselves. I belonged in my own company and my company alone. 
I didn't belong with him. 
I took another shaky step back, nearing the double doors that were wide open, leading back to the hallway. When I was nearly away, Matt suddenly rose to his feet. My heart leapt right up to the back of my throat and I swivelled around to make a run for it.