Week 26: Part 1 • Harry *

                                    

                                          
*** A/N: Soak up the smut, my lovelies, because after this chapter, it will be a little while before you get any more. Obviously, you can always go back and re-read the previous ones. I am happy to give a ranking of my personal favorites if you need one :)
I wake up to an empty bed. Well, empty except for Evie, but empty of my person. This isn't the first time that has happened with Nola sleeping next to me. Usually it's because she is attending to one of the girls, but I rarely sleep through them making the tiniest bit of noise. So, I don't know how I slept through what woke her or her leaving the room. Then, I notice that the iPad is still sitting on the dresser, and she usually takes that with her when she gets up at night so that the source of the noice doesn't wake me (even though I never mind when it does). Grabbing it, I can see that all three little Bennett women are still very much asleep. Which means Nola either went somewhere else to sleep or she is sitting awake somewhere and either of those options makes me want to go and find her. 
The chill of December air requires more clothing than I was just sleeping in. I slip on a pair of joggers and blindly reach for the stack of sweatshirts in my closet, pulling out an oversized tour hoodie. I go to her room first, pushing the door open quietly, but I'm greeted by her bedside lamp illuminating the space after I flip the switch. There is no evidence of her being in this room tonight, at all. 
Next, I go downstairs on her side and find the main floor also void of any evidence of her having been here tonight. I slip on the shoes I have by her back door and walk outside to go over to my house but a light in the distance, inside the greenhouse, catches my eye. 
Somewhere between falling asleep and now, heavy, wet snow began falling. I think about going to get a jacket, but instead I pull my hood up and stick my hands in the pouch, shuffling quickly towards the greenhouse. As I get closer, I notice her laying on one of the tables looking up at the ceiling. I observe her as I walk closer. Her hand is resting on her chest, like she is feeling her lungs taking in breaths for some reason. When the door opens, I expect her to turn her head to me, but she does nothing. She doesn't even flinch as my feet noisily walk towards her. Instead of saying anything, I crawl up to lay down at the table next to hers, scooting my body up so that our heads can share the same view of the sky above. I notice her breathing change as her hand raises and falls a little quicker that it did when I first started watching her. 
I give her a good five minutes to speak, and I get more anxious as the time passes until I can hear my heartbeat in the inside of my ears and I can't take it any longer. After sitting for so long, we end up both talking at the same time. "What are you doing out here, my love?" I say while she says, "I couldn't sleep." 
There is an awkward pause, because I think we are both unsure of who is going to continue. "You go first," I say and she nods her head against the table.
"I'm lost, H. I don't know how to feel more secure in what we have in the next week." She says, using her hands to talk, which she only does when she is really nervous. What the hell?  I shift to sitting and she mirrors me, doing the same. I ignore Evie's calls for attention and reach for Nola's hand, because I need to touch her. 
"I don't... I don't really even know what to say, Nol. I... Are you..." I stutter out, tears falling as I speak. "I hate that you're not feeling secure. I don't know what else to do to prove how I feel about you."
She looks up at me with those doe eyes. "I don't need proof, Harry. I know how you feel about me. I have no doubt that you love me, and that you will make this work, but it's the HOW that has me spiraling. It's my own stupid tie up." Jesus. This is bad. She can't leave England with doubts like this on her mind. 
"How can I fix it?" I blurt out. She reaches her hand up to cradle my cheek, balling the end of her sweatshirt sleeve so she can wipe my cheek free from tears.