111. What's after the afterlife?

                                    

                                          
Gillian's P.O.V.
Kneeling on the floor, I stare with pain and emptiness at my father's corpse lying cold on the sofa. We brought him inside the Whitmore dorm as we couldn't stay in the parking lot. It was too risky to get caught by someone. Kol helped us by carrying his body inside while Care and I pulled ourselves up the best we could.
I feel... I don't have the words to describe how I feel. Abandoned? Devastated? Broken? Betrayed? ... Hurt. I lost so many important people in such a small time... It feels like every single day, someone around me is dying. Nadia, mom, then dad... And I'm not forgetting everyone that I've lost the past three years... Aunt Lexy, Uncle Ric, Kyle, and more... Some of them came back, but it doesn't mean that their death didn't affect me. It did. It hurts so much. Remembering them hurts, but knowing my dad just joined them... it's even worse. Because dad never actually left me for real... Not like tonight...
When I saw Tyler, or that Traveler named Julian, holding my dad's heart in between his fingers, blood poured on the ground... I felt like time had just stopped. Like I forgot how to breathe, how to think, how my body functioned... Just like when mom died. I know I was upset with him and still held some grudge even though I didn't admit it, but he was still my father in the end. He was the man who raised me. No matter how upset I was, I didn't wish for him to die. I would never... I still had so much to tell him...
I can't see anything. My sight is just constantly blinded by my thick tears. The more I cry, the more it seems to feel painful. Crying is a way of releasing our emotions, why does it feel like it amplified? Unable to hold my sobs, I hold onto my father jacket, my knuckles turning white. I pull on it, as if it will do something and bring him back to life. But nothing happens... of course.
- Dad, just come back... Please... I whisper in pain as I take a shaky breath in. Dad! Come on! Don't do this to me... I hide my face in his neck as I just can't let him go. I can't. I'm not ready... Daddy... Please... I barely get out before letting more and more subs.
- Darling, I hear Kol calling my name as he hold me by my shoulders. I feel him trying to pull me away from my dad's corpse but I resist and held onto him.
- No! No! Let me with him. Please. Let me with my father, I plead him in tears. I cry so much that I can feel my tears rolling down my cheeks, then my chin, down my neck.
- He is gone, Beautiful, he softly whispers as he wipes my cheeks with his thumbs, cupping my face.
- Not to me, I reply before lying my head next to dad's head. I just can't let him go...
Caroline is sitting on the floor not too far, crying all of her tears as well. She is in pain. They had a special relationship. It must be so hard for her too...
Suddenly, as the room is full of crying, foot steps are heard. I don't bother to look up. I don't have the energy to do anything.
- Oh, my God. Stefan! I suddenly hear the familiar voice of Elena. They're already back. Damon must have rushed back. Elena sits on the coffee table in front of dad's body. Damon... My uncle appears and looks at his brother with pain and disbelief. I lift my head up, still sobbing.
- I di-didn't know where to br-bring him, Damon, a-and I just couldn't l-leave him outside, I say in between my sobs as I hold even more onto my father's jacket. My uncle looks at me, disconcerted.
- It's okay, you did well, Boo, he softly says as he joins my sides. He kneels down and places his hand on my back. You did well, he repeats as he pulls me towards him. Come here, come here, he whispers as he holds me against him. I don't let go of my hold onto my father. I hold his jacket with one hand while the other one is around Damon's back. My uncle rubs my back, making some circling motions. He softly rocks us as he places a kiss on top of my head. I cry in his neck, still letting everything out.