"Are they?" he asked, remembering how he'd heard a group of girls whispering and giggling about Sarah while she and Alex were walking past. He'd heard them drop the words "slut" and "whore" but he didn't think much of it. Just pushed it out of his head. "Yeah, they are," Brian replied. "Whatever, I guess. Just shut up about her," Alex said, playfully shoving the other, earning a laugh from him. 
"Whatever. 'S not like I'm the one who likes her," he said, shooting a glare at Alex. Brian made a fake cough, and muttered Alex's name underneath his breath, and coughed again. He was then forced to remember they all thought of him as the "straight supportive friend" of the group, since he was still confused about his sexuality and wasn't really out as anything yet. It sorta hurt, knowing they all thought he was something he wasn't. And he clicked his tongue and scoffed, wanting to continue the act of being that straight friend. 
"I dunno how you could like her, man," he continued, drumming his fingers against his knees. Alex was tempted to just come out to him right there, but he decided against it, feeling awkward and anxious about it. So he made up some things about Sarah, things he wouldn't ever be caught saying anywhere, even if he didn't think so. "Why wouldn't I like her?" Alex shrugged, a tiny smile on his face, and he began listing things off on his fingers. "She's cute, funny, smart, sexy, etcetera etcetera." Brian scoffed. "Plus, she's good in bed, too."
"What?" he heard Brian exclaim, turning to look at him while shock and surprise registered on his face. Of course, Alex didn't actually hook up with her. He was only making things up. Sarah was the only one who knew the truth about him, and listened to all of the rants and pining he would say and do. "What? I'm not lyin'," Alex said, icking silently at what he was saying. "You got any complaints?" 
Brian seemed grossed out by what he was saying, so Alex decided he'd said enough. (a/n: he said more but it sounded gross. like WHY bring up her tits??🙁) They sat in silence for a bit longer. "Straight men are so weird," Brian mumbled, clicking his tongue in a sort of rythmic way. "Directed at you, Alex. I swear.." Alex was half-zoned out when Brian spoke, only partially hearing what he'd said. "Shut up," he said, hoping Brian hadn't said anything serious or tragic, and he sounded completely insensitive the minute he opened his mouth and let words fall out. "What'd you say 'bout being straight?" 
"Nothing," Brian said. "Only called you weird, that's all." But he wasn't weird. And wasn't straight either. The urge to come out kicked in again, so he finally decided he would, slowly but surely. "Yeah? Well then.. Prove it," he teased, looking over and leaning closer to the other, startling him when he noticed how close he was to Alex. He put his hand over Alex's mouth, and pushed him away a little, an almost noticable lip bite when Alex glanced down at his lips, and rolled his eyes, moving away again. 
"Were you just tryna kiss me?" Brian asked, slightly tilting his head to the right, emphasizing his question without meaning to. Alex tensed a little, realizing he made it seem like he was trying to do something else without meaning to. So he just played along, a soft smile on his face. "You could say that," he answered, moving completely away from him and looking away, leaving Brian shocked and speechless. He realized they'd been in complete silence for another long while, and he turned to look at Brian again. He still had the same expression. "What? You gonna hit me?" he asked, leaning in a little again. 
"No. I'm not gonna do shit," Brian murmmered, finally looking away, a soft pinkish tinge on his face while he turned away, his expression softening. Alex made another humming sound. "What happened between you and Amy?" Brian asked after a long while again, not facing him or anything. "Meh, she dumped me over somethin' stupid," Alex replied, fidgeting with his fingers. "Huh," was the sound Brian made, and Alex could almost feel him staring. He decided not to face him and make it awkward for him, he wouldn't wanna make eye contact right now. 
"Are you, uh, bisexual? And we haven't realized it yet?" he asked him. "No," Alex replied softly, feeling his heart begin to race. It was only a couple words. Very few words he could say and get off his chest and finally get over with so he didn't feel so fucking awful and weird anymore.  
So why couldn't he say it?
It almost felt like he was repressing it all, not wanting to accept who he was even though he'd already come to terms with it. He wasn't pan, bi, straight, or aromantic. He was as gay as he could get, but he wasn't sure how to express it. Or say it. "So you aren't.. straight? Or, you really are straight, and I'm just bein' delusional," Brian wondered out loud, staring at Alex for a while longer and making the prickling on Alex's skin even worse. He could do it. But he was being a coward and not saying it. 
"I'm.. not entirely straight either, Bri," Alex whispered, looking over at him. He was still drunk, he knew that. But there was curiosity. Genuine curiosity. And anxiousness for what he could and would say next. "I'm, uh, like you." 
He didn't get why he couldn't just say the word gay. It felt wrong on his tongue, even though he knew it was completely fine to say. It wasn't gonna make the world crumble apart in his hands and make everything irreversible. Alex could feel Brian staring and he didn't care. He came out and that was fine.
"Guess you and I are in the same boat," Brian said.
"Yup," Alex replied, feeling more relieved than ever.
He came out and the world didn't fall apart. He came out and he felt better without that weight on his chest. He came out and Brian didn't know he loved him. 


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