not rehearsed

                                    

                                          

                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          
—
Austin perked up at the sound of the doorknob moving, sitting up straight as Ryder walked through the door, her face showing a lot more confusion than it did when she first left.
He ran his hand against his jeans, wiping off the nervous sweat, "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's fine...uh Boyd just punched a giant hole in the vending machine for quite literally no reason and Stiles just said it's because he's upset about Derek. Which is a valid reason, i'm just a little confused."
"Are you hurt?" He grew concerned at the mention of glass breaking around her.
"No, here's a snickers, though."
She groaned as she handed him the candy, lying down on the jacket he had laid out for her, knowing she would be far too paranoid to lay on the actual sheets and blankets.
Austin fiddled with the wrapper of the candy bar, back facing her as he inhaled softly.
"Hey, Ry."
"Yeah?"
"Can I tell you something?"
That one question was enough to have her heart racing. Her mind going straight back to the conversation she just had with Ramona and the two times she's almost caught Austin saying he loved her. 
So you could understand why she wanted to smother herself with the musty motel pillow.
Clearing her throat, she listened to his heartbeat coming to realized that she had scared him with her silence, "Sure."
"Don't freak out?"
He still hadn't turned to face her, which only furthered her worries for what she knew he was about to say.
"I'll try not to."
His eyes closed at her words, finally finding the courage to face her, however she wouldn't look at him.
"Can you look at me, please?
She did as told, her brown eyes locking with his blue ones. Her fingers twitched as he reached forward to grasp her hand, his fingers anxiously fiddling with her rings.
"I'm not- I want you to know that I'm not saying this because I want to hear you say it back, I'm saying it because it's really how I feel."
"Austin—"
"Please, just let me talk. I didn't really rehearse this, like at all, but I-I thing I know what I want to say. Its probably extremely weird and unsettling that i'm telling you this in a run down motel room but..." He clears his throat. 
Austin felt his eyes begin to water. He didn't understand why, it's not like she was rejecting him on the spot, she hadn't even said a word, but the thought of her not feeling the same absolutely crushed his heart.
"I don't want to sugarcoat anything or drag this on way longer than needed, but I... Ryder, I love you. Like love love you. And I know you're going to say something about us only being together for six months but I know what I'm saying, okay? I'm not just saying it because that's how I'm feeling at this very moment. I'm actually in love with you. Painfully in love with you."
"You don't have to say it back. I don't want you feel like i'm forcing you to say it back, I'm perfectly okay with you just knowing that I feel this way, but I needed to tell you. Keeping it in for so long was slowly getting worse for me. I tried telling you twice before but I wanted to make sure that I was certain and I know—now I know that i'm one hundred percent sure how I feel about you."
Ryder's lips twitch downwards as she struggled to hold in the tears that formed in her eyes. But as she looked away from him and down towards their hands, a tear fell from her eye and onto the blanket below them.
"I'm sorry."
His lips pulled in as he realized what she said. He didn't really expect her to outright say that she loved him too, while he didn't prepared his speech, he was prepared for her not to say it back. So, with a heavy heart, he nodded understandably. 
"I like you, like a lot, more than I expected myself to, honestly. I just can't say that word yet—"
"I get it, Ry. You don't have to apologize to me." He intertwined their fingers with his left hand, lifting his right to her face to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "Why are you crying? You don't have to cry. I said what I wanted to say, I meant what I said. I didn't say to make you feel bad, Ry."
He smiled softly at the way she subconsciously ran her thumb over his wrist, tracing the tattoo that was permanently inked into his skin. 
"I feel like an asshole."
"You're not an asshole for not being ready." He reassured her, "Come here."
Moving closer, she let her head rest on his chest, sighing contently as he ran his fingers through her hair.
"I love you, so much. And I'll be here when you're ready to say it back. Whether that be in the next month of our relationship, or in the next year, I will be there when you're ready to say it back."
—
A/N: filler