Chapter 12

                                    

                                          
Jisung walked alone in the dark night. He couldn't hear the sounds of the streets, he couldn't see anything because of the blur from his tears, he couldn't feel anything but the deep pain in his heart.
In a few minutes, all of his relationship with the man he loves flashed through his eyes. From the very beginning, from all the sweet and tenderness, until the image of him kissing someone which scarred his mind.
As he went back home, he suddenly regretted telling his parents that he didn't mind being alone for the weekend. He felt alone, and he was, more than ever.
He closed his door and leant on it, slowly lowering until he fell on the ground, letting all out. All the anxiety, all the pain, all the fear, everything. He cried hard, almost yelled, as his head fell forward. His own physical condition couldn't bear with the deep pain he was feeling. 
As he felt calmer, he looked around, until his eyes fell on one of Minho's hoodies, hanging there as a joke.
He stood up like a mad man, took the hoodie and threw it away around the house. He felt euphoric as he started throwing things around the house, chairs, clothes, pens, anything that came his way.
He threw a cup, as it exploded on the ground as a million pieces, ironically just like his heart.
He sighed as he crouched down to take the pieces, unfortunately making a deep cut on his hand. He winced as he searched for something to stop the blood, his day couldn't be worse.
He didn't sleep at all, for the whole night.
He kept on crying, tossing and turning, until the light of the morning shined through his window, making the boy even more desperate.

He wasn't going to go on with his day. He wasn't going to get up, but someone knocked at the door.
"Go away" Jisung coldly said as a disheveled Minho was standing at his door.
"I thought you wanted to take your things back" Minho said, his voice above a whisper
Minho knew that he couldn't win in that situation. He had messed up, and he had to face the consequences. He wanted to have closure, for his and Jisung's sanity, that's it. He knew nothing he could do or say would change anything. Maybe Minho had finally opened his eyes.
"I don't" He responded, wanting none of his shit.
"I promise I'm not here to explain with falses excuses" He said as he handed him a bag "Just your things" He reassured.Jisung sighed.
"... Come in, I'll bring yours as well" Jisung said as he let Minho enter, not daring to give him a glance, he deserved none of it.
As Jisung walked through his house, Minho followed him like a lost puppy. He didn't dare to say anything.
When they entered Jisung's room, he sat down by the door, waiting for Jisung to take his things.
Out of anger, Jisung threw each one of Minho's things on the ground, in front of Minho for him to clean it. From shirts, to books, to every single useless thing that was Minho's, they fell down right in front of Minho, as he desperately tried to fit them on his bag. He almost cried when Jisung threw at him a ring, a cute cheap little ring Minho had offered him some time ago when they visited a little town with Jisung's parents. He looked at it for a moment.
He didn't say anything, he knew he deserved it.
As Jisung ended, he sat down on the ground as well, in front of Minho.
Minho dared to look at him, as his eyes fell on Jisung's bandaged hand.
"What happened to your hand?" Minho asked, his voice shaky.
"What happened to your fidelity?" Jisung retorted, not wanting to have any kind of small talk.
"I don't know, I fucked up" Minho responded honestly, as Jisung chuckled dryly.
"I noticed" He responded, gritting through his tears "Since when has this clownery been happening?"
"A week, we kissed two times" Minho responded honestly again, as he noticed Jisung shifting a bit.
"Wow, so when we kissed on friday, you didn't have any kind of remorse?" He asked, a new anger boiling in him.
"I did have" Minho responded, his voice weaker than before
"Not enough, apparently" Jisung said "Now get away from my face, cheater" He added as he stood up, ready to throw him out of his apartment "I can't even look at you"
Minho stood up, ready to leave and respect his decision, until he froze hearing Jisung's broken voice.
"You ruined me. You broke my heart so deeply I don't think I'll ever be able to stand up again. I love you with all my heart and existence, I think this is going to make me insane." Jisung explained as tears started to roll down his cheeks. He didn't want to cry in front of him, but the pain was unbearable.
That was the moment where Minho knew that nothing ever in his life would hurt more than witnessing that. Jisung breaking down, right in front of him, because of him.
Minho didn't hide his tears, he didn't force them in either, he assumed them as he turned to Jisung, watching the weight of his actions destroy the both of them.
"Saying 'Sorry' would be comedy, so I won't say it to your face, that would be disrespectful. But I want you to know and remember that I didn't fake anything between us, never. I loved you with my whole being as well, I was simply stupid enough to take it for granted. I want you to know that never in a million years you should feel guilty for my actions, nor should you lower your self esteem because of me. This shit isn't your fault at all, I was the idiot. You'll always be the prettiest, the kindest, the smartest in my mind, you'll always be the one that I loved so much and betrayed. You aren't at fault for anything in here, blame me, hate me, hit me if you want, but never doubt yourself." He explained, his voice breaking.
He knew Jisung. He knew Jisung by heart. Jisung had a fragile ego, he had a fragile mind. He needed to tell him that he valued much more than he thought, but he knew his words didn't have any impact now.
Jisung's corner of his mouth tilted up a bit, as he closed his eyes tightly.
"Thanks" He weakly said, as he tried so hard to stop himself from running to Minho's arms.
"No, thank you. Thank you for all the things you did and gave to me. Never ever I'll take that for granted from now on" He corrected "Please stay safe, and heal. You deserve everything Jisung" He added, before opening the door and finally leaving, his sobs uncontrollably going.
Jisung fell to the ground as he wrapped his arms around his knees, despair finding him and hugging him tightly into its embrace.