~3~

                                    

                                          
Disdain for those monkeys began that horrid day.
His goodwill had been crumbling away ever since.
Believing he should have told him everything.
Part of him regretted not telling Gojo to kill them all when he had the chance.
In a life descending and dissolving into the night, fuzzy emotions raked over what he truly felt versus his chosen duties. Going in and out like a flickering light.
If accepting it as the inevitable meant it's all over, even though he knows, it somehow doesn't feel worth it. There's no meaning to it.
Realizing that something seemingly everywhere exists only here. The intrusive darkness was gnawing at him painfully. Even trivial conversations were fine, just to submerge him into temporary comforting nostalgic times. His mindset showing him Gojo's laughing blushing face more. 
Hence every moment spent alone, the moon is dark, his head lost in flight.
Today, holding an oar, with nothing to search for, love sways living while concealed. Amiss the bleakness lies the slivers of the peace. Like that day on Okinawa Beach. Rowing down those shimmering streams. Strolling through gardens and palm trees. Viewing the ocean life behind the glass.
Today, he was unable to go anywhere, in terms of power and proper internal healing.
Stepping towards a brand new morning never truly came.
Loneliness under crying when he believed no one was watching.
It's troublesome for there are no boundaries. Just fleeting memories left amiss the mess. Yesterday has no use at all. Hence the moon is dark, its light warping. Where shall we go tomorrow?
For Gojo, there was nowhere but up.
For Geto himself, he was stuck to the past like glue.
Though he understands a wounded heart, why does he end up hurting and leaving the same scars on his own? Labeling it as ego, grouping it all together. The true essence of one half to its opposite other, burning transparently. Both striving for greatness, only to suffer in silence.
Longing for change, but the feelings stay the same. Only the form crumbles away. Holding onto the hand of hope, his own ghost.
Counting the days from loneliness. Drowning in a single tear. If it's trivial, he could just break and live freely in the song. In the chaos. Leaving this painful life behind.
In the trivial silence of the night, only Suguru, residing in memories, awakens. It exists only here. 
"I want to touch you." His wavering hand desiring to grab the back of Gojo's collar, keeping him right there, even if only in his mind's eye.
"Geto-san, there you are!"
The energetic cries and hurrying footsteps of his kouhai pulled Geto out of his harried state of mind; the sight of Gojo blowing away into fog ached him, turning into the forest grounds, sitting on a stone marble bench.
"I've been looking for you —!" The bright expression of Haibaira quickly froze at seeing the tears prickling Geto's gaze. "H - Hey, are you ... okay?"
Quickly looking away, Geto rubbed his eyes shamefully with his hand. But it was too late to his liking.
"I knew it. Nanami-san said it was bad but ... do you want to talk about it?"
A hesitant pause to dwell on it. He could push him away. And yet, his kouhai's presence was too soothing and light to refuse. Resulting in Geto to gesture at the open spot beside him had a hopeful Haibara sitting down immediately.
"Haibara, do you think you can keep going as a jujutsu sorcerer? It's not too hard for you to do?"
Yu was taken back that he spoke first before contemplating, humming in thought. "Well ... I'm not really one to think about things too deeply, so it feels really good to be able to give my all to something I can actually do."
Yu's beaming smile and thumbs up made Geto falter.
"I see ... you're probably right."
"Do you ... want to keep going yourself, Geto-san?"
Yu could see the light in Geto's eyes; faint at best, already dissipate before dipping his head down, the darkness already seeping into his fractured self.
"I  ... I pity for the waste of lives that mattered to me. Enraged at the injustices of this world. I'm horrified ... those few lights are extinguished ... the cruel ones are left standing ... and we can't do a damn thing about it." He gritted as his shaking hands clawed into his pants covered knees, startling Yu.
"To lay down our lives for those that only treasure their endless supplies of cursed energy to remain atop and nothing else. Our few friends here, vanishing into nothingness —!" The spike in negativity from him Yu could sense had him on the edge of his seat, literally, at the pure disdain in his senpai's voice.
"How could anyone be fine with that? And if we run from this life for a sense of peace ... is that just cowardice in disguise?" The utter turmoil crack in Geto's voice further showcased his internal dilemma. 
Haibara's heart went out to his senpai. Admiring his idol for his ideals of justice for defending the weak was now falling apart before his very eyes. In Geto's eyes, the wool was finally taken off them as they witnessed how those very same weak ones were capable of truly heinous intentions ... 
"Geto-san, why I chose to become a sorcerer was so my little sister doesn't have to. I do it for her, Nanami-san, you, and my other senpais ..." Out of consideration, he added, "Even if I can't save everyone ... I can't forget about those still standing with me. Like you, senpai~!"
The sunshine made the young man glow like a heaven-sent angel, one that made Geto tremble and choke up in sobs. "Haibara ... "
Yu's assuring giggles were cut short as out of the blue, the back of his collar was grabbed, pulling him up, swaying in midair as the tall statue of Gojo Satoru appeared. 
"Haibara-kun~! If you don't mind, Suguru and I have lots to talk about~! So, if you wouldn't mind giving us some privacy~?" His usual enthusiasm couldn't hide how forced his cheery smile looked. Even so – !
"Oh! Of course, Gojo-san! I up and bolted on Namami-san earlier. Oh, I hope he's not too upset about it!" Haibara panicked at the mere thought of it!
"Nanami-kun? Nah, he loves you too much to ever hate you, our precious kouhai~! Now onward, skedaddle, get moving~!"
Gojo's bright disposition was enough to literally throw Haibara into action; literal stars in his eyes at the prospect of Nanami having such profound feelings for him, as the pair watched him leaving literal dust clouds in his wake.
Before sincere, deep concern sparked inside as his shade covered eyes returned to Geto's anxious, fatigued ones.
"Suguru ... walk with me?"
A/N: PT 4 is still a big WIP cause it's a hot mess.
But I'll try to get it up.
Honestly feeling like crap now, especially writing wise cause it feels less supportive and reassuring lately. All the effort put in and for little to no good end result. Like my life.
Until next time, bye.