eighteen.

                                    

                                          
The butterfly girls were ruthless, but after lunch, they left me alone. They suggested meditation to deal with the mental damages and I knew they were right. I used to meditate a lot, but I haven't done it for a long time.
I sat under the trees, behind the mansion, the air was heavy after the rain from previous days. I liked the smell of wet soil, a gentle breeze played with my hair. I concentrated solely on the sound of my breath, and the feeling of the air expanding my lungs.
It was difficult to quiet my mind, as the heavy uneasiness caused by the brainfreeze demon still lingered at the back of my mind. Sometimes when I closed my eyes, I saw his glowing eyes in my mind.
I wasn't afraid of him, no. No demon could make me afraid. I was still mad at myself for feeling so helpless. 
I sighed in frustration as I failed to quiet my mind once again. I did some slow headrolls, straightened my back and decided to try again. 
The ambient sounds were helpful, it was quiet outside, no noise came from the mansion either.  
Then I heard footsteps approaching me. I opened just one eye to see who it was.
Kyojuro was walking towards me with a soft smile. He sat down next to me.
"You should stay in bed and rest" I noted, opening my other eye too.
"I'm feeling better" he said. "My scars are not that deep. And I needed some fresh air. What are you doing?"
"Meditating" I shrugged. "Or at least I'm trying"
"Oh, sorry" he said. "Then I will not bother you"
He started to stand up, but I grabbed his arm. "You can stay, I can't concentrate anyway"
He smiled and sat a bit closer, taking my left hand in his hands, gently playing with my fingers. I lightly gasped by the tiny intimate touch, blood rushing to my cheeks.
"Ah, is it okay for you?" he asked, lifting our intertwined fingers.
"Y-yes" I stuttered. "It feels nice"
We were just sitting there quietly for a while. It was nice and calm, the warmth of his hand calming me entirely. I lay my head on his shoulder, inhaling his scent.
"I have strange feelings for you" I admitted suddenly. It was obvious that we were drawn to each other, but we haven't spoken about it.
"Me too" he said. "I... I want to keep you safe and..." he stopped, so I looked up at him. His cheeks were slightly pink.
"And...?" I smiled, inspecting his face. He looked straight at me, I saw his pupils were really big. 
"Kagemi..." he spoke my name, his expression softened as he gently touched my face.
"What is it?" I asked barely audibly, feeling in my guts what he wanted. I knew I was blushing and felt my heartbeat racing up in my chest.
"C-can I.." he cleared his throat, he was clearly nervous. "Can I kiss you again?"
My face felt unbearably hot, I couldn't even say anything, I just nodded. 
He leaned closer, until our foreheads touched. I closed my eyes instinctively, feeling his nose brushing against mine. He slowly closed the distance between us, our lips gently brushing first, then he deepened the kiss.
I felt my stomach doing backflips, he was so warm and tasted good. His lips were gently dancing with mine, as if he was scared to break me. He pulled away after a while, it made me frustrated, as he deprived me of his warmth.
He chuckled at me, rubbing my face gently with his thumb.
"You're so sweet" 
I looked away, a bit embarrassed. "Shut up"
He just smiled, holding my hand. We were sitting there for a while longer until it was time for dinner. 
Kyojuro was very tired, as his injuries were still actively healing. I accompanied him to the room, but I wasn't feeling sleepy yet. He lay down, I was inspecting him while I was sitting on my own bed. I kind of wanted to sleep next to him again tonight, but I was scared to ask.
"What is it, Kagemi?" he asked, noticing my struggle. I just shook my head.
He opened the blanket, obviously gesturing me to lay down next to him. I happily accepted the offer, snuggling close to him. 
"You're like a little kid right now" he chuckled. 
"I don't want you to see me as a kid" I said, not daring to look at him.
He started gently brushing my hair with his fingers. "Then how do you want me to treat you?" he asked. I was sure he was playing dumb on purpose. He wanted me to say it out loud.
"I..." my cheeks started to heat up. I was sure about what I wanted. But it was difficult to form the words. I was inexperienced with emotions. But I was sure now that I fell in love with him. And the way he acted towards me was clear - he probably felt the same thing for me. But he never said it out loud, as if he wasn't entirely sure either what these emotions are called. 
But I wanted him to say the confession first. I just needed to guide him towards it. What I was entirely sure about is that I want him to be mine. I wanted us to be connected. I wanted him by my side. Even if it wasn't possible all the time, but at least, I wanted him to be my safe place.
I want him to be my home.
I sighed. "I want you to treat me as a woman" I said eventually.
I heard him gasp, then his hand lifted my chin to look into my eyes.
"You think I don't look at you that way?" he smiled softly. "Kagemi... I don't have experience in this, but I am sure... you are more than a friend to me"
I smiled in victory with a racing heart. "So... what am I to you?" I asked.
His cheeks turned slightly pink, as his gaze shifted from me. "Y-you're..." he stuttered. Then he closed his eyes sighing, as if he was gathering courage. Then he opened his eyes, staring at me with determination. "Kagemi, you're the person I am in love with"
A wide grin appeared on my face as he finally said it. I leaned closer to him to kiss him gently. It was a short and sweet kiss, then I pulled away and looked down at him.
"I love you, Kyojuro"