CHAPTER Nineteen

                                    

                                          
I ran. He said everything right, and I ran away like a coward. I'm so fucking stupid why can't I just admit that I'm possibly in love with him?
Because Adelaide, you scared and fucked in the head. 
Carter Gilmore has a reputation for being a playboy single dad after his divorce from Ella's mom. He never remarried, and his sexual escapades run rampant throughout the town. I can't help wondering if he changed or if this is a play, and he's trying to get in my mind to play me like everyone else.
My fear won't let me think he's a good guy. Instead, I play everything that could go wrong in my head. I want to have him so bad, but I'm so afraid of getting hurt it keeps me away. Plus there's no way we could be together anyways. It's a loss cause. 
At lunchtime, Carter knocked on my door. He walked in without me telling him to. "Get up your having dinner with me," he stated confidently. What makes him think I would go to dinner with him?
"Hello, Adelaide, how are you?" I said, mocking the way he just walked in and decided to boss me around. I get it he's my boss but that doesn't mean he gets to tell me I have to go out with him. 
He chuckled and wipes his chin. "Adelaide, I'm trying here," he says like he's desperate. I feel bad. He's trying so hard for me to forgive him. I feel guilty not being able to.
"Carter. I can't"
I want to be able to tell him I love him. I want to jump into his arms and kiss the shit out of him. But I can't. 
"All am hearing is excuses. Why can't you just admit that you love me too? I know it's crazy. None of us expect it but now that it's here all we can do is jump in,"
I can tell he sees the hesitation on my face. "Adelaide, I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I will fight for you for as long as you want to play this game,"
He always seemed to read me like a book. That's one of the things I hated the most about him. I have to tell him the one thing that will make him leave.  "I don't want you, Carter and I certainly don't love you. Leave me alone,"
"Adelaide, don't do this," he begs. I can see the tears forming in his eyes. I had never seen cry before. I hate this. I needed to do this. We would just end up hurting each other. It's better this way.
"Everything was a lie. I just wanted to fuck Carter Gilmore and add him to my list. I didn't love you I never did,"
He stormed out of my office slamming the door shut. Shit. This hurt more than I thought it would. I don't know why I did that. Why don't I feel better? I just feel shitty. 
I stumped back down on my seat, palm my hand on my forehead. I fucked up. Why can't I just admit that I'm in love with him? I guess what's done is done. There's no way he's going to try again now that I said all that to him. 
Lucian walks into my office and sits down in front of me. "Did I just see Carter Gilmore storm out of your office?" I asked.
"Yes, I fucked up," my voice breaks. "I was just so scared and I-"
Tears fell on my eyes. He comes to my side and hugs me. He runs his hands on my back. "Everything will be okay, Adelaide. Carter is not going to stop fighting for you because you push him away and if he doesn't then he's not the guy for you. But at one point you're going to have to stop running,"
"I know but it's so fucking hard," I replied. He hugged me tighter. He's the only person who could make me feel better about this. 
He pulls away and knees in front of me. He takes my hand and I look down into his eyes. "I know it's hard Adelaide but at one point you're going to have to just deal with the consequences because Ella is not going to be mad at you forever and you're not going to fall out of love with Carter,"
"I have to choose my best friend. She'll never forgive me for sleeping with her dad."
Ella walks into the door and I immediately straight up. I hope she didn't hear any of that. She smiles up at me but then frowns as she sees the looks on my face.
She immediately runs to my side like the good supportive best friend she is. 
"What's wrong Adelaide?" I asked, concern taking over her face. The worst part is I can't even tell her what's going on. Do you know how hard is for the one person you tell everything to and you can't tell her the hardest thing you ever went through? 
"Adelaide is just upset because Mr. Gilmore yelled at her about something," Lucian covers for me. I give him a smile in appreciation. Her face turns to anger. 
"What an asshole," she says, rolling her eyes. "I have something that will make you feel better,"
I just realized she had a large bag in her hand. She pulls out two lace short dresses and angel wings and devil thorns. The dress looks like lingerie. She smiled widely and I could tell she was excited. Halloween was in a couple of weeks and it's been all they ever talks about. 
"Those are sexy as fuck" Lucian calls from in front of me. Ella hands him the dress and he takes in the dress.
"Let me guess I'm the Angel?" I asked. Ella has always been carefree, exciting. I have always been boring, and predictable, not knowing what I wanted. 
"Not on Halloween you aren't," she exclaimed. She had a wicked smile on her face and I know she has something underneath her sleeve. I wonder what it is? I know whatever it is it's going to get us in trouble.