chapter 37

                                    

                                          
The crisp summer air made my hair fly in the wind, the reflection in the side mirror reminded me of the night I spent with Alessandro; before Vincent, before us. Though only a few weeks ago, it seems like my whole world has changed on another axis; but I was terrifyingly excited. My fingers shook with nerves as I wiped them on my jeans, feeling too jumpy to talk. 
I turned my head, watching the roads whip by, "Is there something particular you wanted? Or are we just going to drive until the wheels give out?" I heard the ruffling of his clothes as my father turned his head to look at me, I wasn't sure what he wanted from this drive but I didn't want to risk my expression giving anything away. 
As we made our way through the twisty turns in the coastal town, the cobblestones started paving way to a smaller road made of dirt. I felt the car slow, parking onto the road that overlooked the ocean. The sun was just starting to set, and the view was breathtaking, but the short puffs of air that came out of my mouth certainly wasn't due to that. I turned my body slightly to face him, arms crossed. I forced my face to stay neutral but I was scared. I always have been, my father isn't a hard man, but that doesn't mean he couldn't be one when needed. 
I could see the trip had done him some good. The bags under his eyes had reduced, his olive complexion was restored, no longer pasty and pale. And his eyes, they seemed sparkling and alive, happy. I watched him drum his fingers on the wheel, thrumming with nervous energy. He avoided eye contact and focused on the view ahead of him instead. The silence was heavy, I knew we'd have a talk eventually, but now that we are, was I ready to hear what he had to say?
"I've always wanted you to come here with me. I grew up here, I fell in love here, and proposed to your mother here. My life before and after you was very different, Ella. I was a different man." He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face before facing me. I saw the desperation in his eyes, the need for my acceptance of who he was now. "I've made some of my biggest decisions here, and most were spent with your mother. She used to watch me think, watching the waves below. Ella, I loved your mother and I always will. After she passed, a part of me died with her. Then, I thought I'd never recover. But now, things have changed." 
I watched him as he grasped for words in the air, seeing my father speechless was new. Yet, I could see how much this meant to him so I grabbed his hand. He chuckled, holding mine firmly in his, as if drawing strength. "You remind me so much of your mother, amore. It has been difficult for the past few years, but that is not your burden to hold." My father was an honest man, but never emotional, hearing him being so heartbreakingly genuine twisted my insides. Holding my hands close to his chest, "I am so sorry, Isabella. There are no words in the world that are able to describe the utter disappointment I have in myself. I failed you, but most importantly, I failed the promise I kept to Caterina." I inhaled sharply, my breath catching at the mention of my mother. My father squeezed my hand, closing his eyes, "I apologize for the man I had become. Ella, you are the most important woman in my life, and that will never change. I know I've given you no reason to believe me, and for that I am truly regretful, but I will live each day until my last proving it to you. Please, forgive me, Isabella."
I don't think I've blinked since he started talking. That must be why my eyes are blurring, I look down, hoping he doesn't see my tears fall. With a start, my father touches my chin, gently making me look at him as he wipes my tears away. "I love you, Ella. Forever." My body shakes and I go lax in his embrace as he hugs me tight. My tears are flowing freely now, getting his shoulder wet as my father rubs my back comfortingly. "Shhh, papà è qui amore mio." I hear him whispering in my ear, and I hug him even tighter, hoping I can ground myself. 
We stay like that for a while. A few minutes pass and we move apart. I'm sure I look like a mess but I feel at ease. As I look at my father, his face red, I can tell he's surprised at his own reaction. This time, I take his hands and mine and look into his eyes. "I'm sorry too, papà." My father moves to protest but I shush him. "No, I need to say this. I'm sorry for the way I treated you when you introduced me to Lara. I know you loved mamma more than anything, and I guess I just wasn't ready." I shook my head, after our fight that night I fought the guilt for a while, but now, I just want to move on. "I'm not going to pretend it will be easy for things to change between us, but we have to try and I'm willing if you are, so, will you forgive me?" I look up at him sheepishly, and feel the pressure lift when he kisses me on the forehead. "Though you have nothing to apologize for, of course I will, amore mio." 
We both smiled as the cold breeze brought a wave of goosebumps with it. "Let's promise to always be there for each other, even when we don't want to. A new promise, one that will last." My father presented his pinky to me and I smiled, reminding me of the days when I was little and we used to seal every little thing with a pinky promise. We made our new promise, and for the first time in forever, I was truly hopeful for our relationship. 
--
The drive back to the hotel was soothing, peaceful. Though I was relieved we had spoken, my stomach was in knots at the biggest lie of all. Vincent and I were more than a summer fling, I see a future with him. I bit my lip, not sure how to break the news to him. I made a mental note to discuss it with Vince.
We sped through the roads, quickly finding our way back. I hugged my dad once more before departing to my room to get ready for the ball. As I walked towards my room, I glanced at the room opposite me. Selene and Vince's room. As much as Selene irritated me, I couldn't help but feel bad for her. After all, I was the reason her marriage was about to end. I hadn't really felt guilty before, having been a home-wrecker before, but those were different. The men I had affairs with usually had wives that were doing the same which led them straight to me. I sighed, another problem to discuss with Vince. 
I was a reckless teenager. I still am, but this time with Vincent has taught me that I could grow as a person. I just hope that other people can see it the same as I do. 
As I entered my room I felt a pit settle at the bottom of my stomach. I wasn't sure what would happen tonight but I prayed it was just nerves. 
--
hi everyone, this one is long long long long overdue. but here we are. i want to promise ill be back soon but please bear with me. new stuff on the way <3 love u all, the support is so so sweet, i see what you comment everyday, truly gives me the motivation to continue! pls dont forget to follow me on insta and see u soon <333333 
-