panic attack

                                    

                                          
It had been a hard day. Eddie had been going through therapy and when he was told to call the ones he served with he wasn't sure he wanted to or would.
He did and the more he called the harder it was to keep it together then he got to the last one. 
That's when he truly lost it he punched a few holes in the wall so far in his head he didn't hear Chris come towards his room. 
Nor did he hear the knocking or his son calling him "dad dad. Dad" Chris tries but eddie just kept breaking things.
Not knowing what to do Chris goes for his phone. He dials buck quickly and waits "Hey chris" he hears and he can't help but speak fast still trying to get his dad's attention.
"Dad Dad something is wrong with dad" that's all that was needed and buck was on his way.
When he arrives he sees Chris in the hall. Quickly going to the child he holds him
 "Hey Chris are you ok" he asks and the boy is shaking 
"He won't come out. I keep calling him but he won't answer" Chris says and buck frowned 
"It's ok I'm going to go get him alright?" Buck says and once Chris nods he goes to Eddie's door.
He tried to open it and frowned "Hey eddie.. it's me can I come in." Buck tries the door again 
After a moment of not hearing a response he decides to act. "Eddie stay away from the door I'm coming in"
Buck backs up taking a breath before breaking the door open. He looks around the room at the destruction 
He notices the holes first as he searches for eddie. He looks twice and then calls for him "eddie."
When he doesn't respond buck got nervous "eddie" he says desperately and this time he hears crying. 
He goes to him and kneels down "eddie what happened?" He asks and the look on Eddie's face makes buck want to pull him into his arms and just protect him from the world.
"Their dead, their dead, their all dead" he said and buck frowned 
"Who?" He asks not understanding since they didn't take about eddie's time in the military often. 
"Everyone i saved" he says and buck finally understands.
 Buck hugs him and lets eddie cling to him. Buck holds eddie tell he is willing to let the bat go. Once it is out of his hands buck pulls back 
"I'm going to go handle Chris you take a second and come out." He said and eddie nods not trusting himself to speak
Buck leaves and picks Chris up taking him to his room
 "is dad ok?" Chris says still scared. 
"He is going to be. He just had a really bad day ok?" He says and Chris nods hugging him. 
Once he thinks Chris is alright enough he goes out closing the door. He finds eddie in the kitchen looking out the window.
"How is he?" Is the first words out of Eddie's mouth.
"Still scared and he's not the only one" buck says as he sits down on the chair across from where eddie is standing.
"I'm sorry." Eddie says his voice breaking. "I didn't mean to scare him." He continues and before buck can say anything he keeps talking
"I just lost it" he said and sits down across from buck.
Buck wanting to help but knows he can't until eddie gets it out.
"The four people I pulled out that day are dead." He says it and buck wants to hold him again but he waits
"Corpral a few years later serving, lane a car crash, lance a overdose and Lindsey.... she killed herself in August" when eddie finishes buck feels seconds from breaking down as well. 
"I'm afraid" eddie says and buck nods 
"OK. Ok." He said and reached out taking his hands into his own.
"What are you afraid of?" Buck asks and eddie gulps
"Of never feeling normal again" eddie says and buck let's go to move to his side of the table. 
He pulls him into his arms "you might never be normal again or even feel normal but that's alright' He said 
Eddie looked suprised "how can you say that?" He asked and buck smiled
"Because nobody is normal and you have people who love you and a family who will always be there for you"
Eddie felt surpsied but not as suprised as when buck kissed him. Eddie kissed back after a moment of shock and holds onto buck. 
"Wow" is all eddie can say before buck is kissing him again.
The rest of the night was filled with cuddling their son and watching movies. Eddie could think about all of this tomorrow for now he was going to enjoy his night and rest.