Thirty-six - Accolade

                                    

                                          
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. The secret won't last forever, but our love will. 
Year 13
————
Kat 
"Anakin," I say softly, watching intently as he wakes up. My heart pangs. He hums something like a question and tugs me to him. I let him kiss me, but before it gets too passionate, I pull back. His groan is amusing, and he holds his eyes shut as if it will stop the inevitable. 
"I need to go soon, but I want to talk to you about tonight." 
"What about it?" he asks, his eyes still closed, as if he felt this coming. 
"I want you to tell me my boundaries, Anakin." 
His eyes pop open, slightly confused. "I won't tell you what to do, Kitten. I tried that once and I lost her because of it."
"I know," I say softly, cupping his cheek and trying to scoot closer to him. I should have known this would remind him of his past, having to hide his relationship in front of everyone. "But this isn't going to be comfortable, I know that. I need you to know that it's you on my mind, with every interaction. I need to know that you trust me. But I also need to know what is too far. I don't want to guess at this; you mean too much to me. I can't know if a touch will break your heart, or a certain person will make you rage." 
He sighs. "It's all going to break my heart." 
"Then why are we doing this?" I ask, the desperation thick in my voice. Sure, I get an interesting thrill when I flirt. It is just another way to control a conversation, especially when no one knows what to expect from me. But there is nothing better than flirting with Anakin. "That's not what I want. I only want to act like that with you. Only you should get to see me in a dress like that." 
He smiles, the act so soft it nearly shatters me. "I'm glad you think that, Kitten. Really." 
"I do." 
"Me too," he swipes his thumb across my lips. "The whole purpose is to show the Emperor that you hold no power over me. I won't be looking toward you unless we find ourselves together, Kitten, but know that it will be the hardest part of the night, that everyone has free reign to look at you except me. I will want to watch every step you take." I grin, pleased by his words. "But I can handle this. I'm not the young kid I used to be. I know that you love me, and that you know I love you." He lets out a long sigh. 
"But I see what you're asking. I can't predict how I'll react. But I might die if I see another man's lips on yours, Kitten." 
I shake my head quickly. "It won't go that far. I'm still going to be professional." 
He appears mildly relieved. "Good. Because Vader would certainly be irritated if you were humping people in dark corners." 
I laugh and press against him. "If you hurry, you can hump me now." He's on top of me in a split second, his mouth dominating mine. 
"You'll still need to be my submissive chief of security, you know," he breathes when we suck in a breath.
That surges through me, the image of me on my knees in that extravagant dress. His dark chuckle tells me he senses what I'm thinking. Shit, Jewel was right. 
———
Anakin 
Good fucking gods this was a bad idea. I have never seen anything so exquisite in my entire life. The silk is unusual, it seems almost see-through the way it hangs so perfectly against her curves. She told me there would be tape to keep her together, but I don't think she has a damn thing beneath it. The name of every god I've ever learned of runs through my mind as one long curse. That damned Jewel knew exactly what she was doing. I simultaneously want to drop to my knees before her and wrap a collar around her neck, making her mine forever.