Soon, his steps faded. My knees weakened and I fell on the floor on both knees, hard. The pain was too much, I couldn't breathe, and the affliction was choking me.
Moments passed in the agony; my body ridiculed by his absurd touch. My hand furiously with rubbing my skin to get rid of his touch, but it was all in vain. His malicious touch was blazing brutally on my skin.
I couldn't take it anymore; it was too much. I couldn't tolerate the pain, I was sinking like a wrecked ship. The past and present had collided and exploded with grim memories. I wanted to forget, I wanted to erase this man's touch. Please someone help me. I need someone or maybe something that could help me to escape, even if for a little while.
Nobody was going to come; however, this agony must leave.
Between my weeping and painful choking, suddenly, my gaze glided to the cabinet above the counter. My eyes fixed on the stock that was luring me towards it. I felt like under a spell, and before I know it, I rose from the floor and was striding with my shaky legs to the cabinet and pulled out the bottle. Bottle of alcohol.
I didn't realize that I was doing something which I hated most, all I knew at that moment was to flee from this suffering. I needed the withdrawal from the remembrance of Aiden and to forget forever about Maverick, I wanted the escape from everything that happened in the past few days. I don't want to feel the pain.
I just wanted to be numb.
Opening the cabinet, I withdrew more bottles of alcohol. I didn't know which kind it was and it didn't matter as long as it take away the anguish burning inside me.
The first bottle was open and was quickly drowned, the burn and the bitter taste were strong and fresh in my mouth, however, it didn't persuade me to cease swallowing the entire bottle.
Nothing happened.
The pain was still there, although my wailing did deter.
I took the second bottle and greedily swallowed the entire booze without a halt.
Still, nothing happened.
I seized the bottles in my hands and carried them back into my room with my shaky legs and ambiguous vision, ensuring that I locked my room.
I hunched on my bed, placing the bottles beside me. Wrapping my finger around the bottle, I swallowed hard liquid, straight. Thereupon, I started drowning myself bottle after bottle, the fourth, the fifth.
The bitterness sats hard on my tongue and also in my heart. Soon, alcohol ignited its impact on me, slowly consuming me whole. My eyes started to droop, my vision started to cloud, and the heaviness settled in my veins.
Suddenly, something happened, or should I say nothing happened?
I felt nothing. I felt numb.
I felt empty, with no pain nor my heartache, a complete abyss of nothing. I went into a different world that was impassive, there was nothing to afraid of, nothing to worry about, nothing to be sad about, nothing to think about.
A question's answer was suddenly discovered, so this is why my mother keeps drinking alcohol, it solves everything, it was medicine. It helps you to forget and become numb.
Sometimes feeling no emotion feels so peaceful, like everything is just frozen in time. No nightmare, no grief, no memories....no love. I was in love with feeling of feeling nothing.
When another bottle touched my lips, my hands were quivering, I could hold its weight, I couldn't even hold my own weight. In a blink, my finger loosened around it, and the bottle fell and then shattered into pieces.
I shifted and stooped to clean glasses. I strived to collect the glasses from the floor with my hazy mind and trembling hand, however, in the process, the piece of glass pierced through my finger and blood dripped.
I gasped in surprise.
There was no pain.
Again, I ran my finger on the sharp edge of the glass, and to my amazement, still, no pain was felt.
I smiled.
Pulling myself back, and flattened myself on the bed.
Alcohol was my new friend. The most fascinating fact was, it would never induce the pain but rather be the remedy for my suffering. It will never break my heart as Aiden did, it will never hurt me as Maverick had, and it never betrayed me as Grace did.
Silence flourished and my energy diminished.
Slowly the darkness surrounded me and I realized, I was triumphant to be evaded from the harshness of the world. Even if it was for a few moments. My eyes started to droop and my body wilted against the duvet, deliberately gliding me into the land of dreams.
-
-
The rays of a bright sunny morning stroked my face, yielding the most gut-wrenching headache that I never had experienced. Gradually, I opened my eyes, however, it was closed as soon as the harsh ray of the sun promptly invaded my eyes. I rolled over with my back facing the window and rose from the bed. The whiff of strong liquid inundated my nostril, my gaze drift over the center of the room where the clutter was adorned on the carpet with the broken bottle of alcohol.
At the sudden sensation of a sting on my fingers, my eyes fell on my hand, the dried blood had covered my fingers, and there was a burning tingling on it, but I knew the cut wasn't deep.
The recollection of the past night flashed in front of my eyes.
My heart thumped.
For a moment, I stood on the floor, unmovable. Grasping on the recollections of last night, did I really...?
Even though I wanted to believe it was just a nightmare, the alcohol bottle, prints of a strong hand on my wrist, and my tattered clothes were sufficient evidence to comprehend that it was the truth, it was reality.
My legs trembled.
Violently, tears started gathering in my eyes as my knees collided with the floor.
No! How can I do this? I ruined everything.
How could I get drunk when I swore that I would never touch it? I had seen too many downfalls the alcohol had brought yet I chose to do the same mistake. The last time I got drunk it was a mistake, I was unaware that the drink was spiked but this time it wasn't a mistake.
It was a choice. A very wrong choice.
Tears of shame leaked from my gaze, and I fell into my own eyes. Remorse strangled me to the degree I was choking. I couldn't change the last night even if I want to. Now all I could do is regret and hate myself for the wrong discretion. Was the pain worth drinking? The anguish was unbearable, the ache was tyrannical, and every event of the past few days was overwhelming, however, that doesn't mean what I did was right.
But again, at that moment, I felt it right.
The trauma was too much withheld, and the heartache was smoldering me in despair, Maverick's touch was making me gag in repulsion and Aiden wasn't there to protect me.
I was alone, not knowing how to survive in this endless suffering. Perhaps, I did choose the wrong thing but my only intention was to forget about everything. The remorse will always stay with me, taunting me about my mistake, and cynically laughing at me because I couldn't rewind the time and change things.
Immediately, I rose from the floor and rushed to the bathroom and harshly splashed water on my face, washing the mistake the last night.
Thank you pain, for making me one of them, an alcoholic.
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RomanceAgainst all reason, the bad boy fell in love with me. - - When a handsome, arrogant, and rude devastation named Aiden enters the life of a sweet, innocent Emerald, she learns about betrayal, pain, darkness, and intense devotion. Despite having very...