Chapter Eighteen

                                    

                                          
"What are you doing?"
Calin looked up from the book he was reading and studied me. After a minute—just long enough to make me uncomfortable—he glanced away to set the book on the table, keeping it open to the page he was in the middle of. His hand hovered as though ensuring the book wouldn't close. Finally, satisfied, Calin drew his arms back to press against the armrests and stand.
Slowly, he turned to face me. "What are you doing here?"
My eyes darted to the untouched journals and back to Calin. It felt like little magnets were embedded in the lining of my stomach, clenching as they tried to connect. "Do you want me to leave?"
"I want answers, Nora, but no. My mother said you are always welcome here. Just because she isn't around doesn't mean that's changed."
"I asked if you wanted me to leave, not if I was welcome."
"It doesn't matter what I want," he said, pushing his hands into his front pockets.
"Yes, it does. To me."
Calin cocked his head. "Are you here to talk?"
"Isn't that what we are doing?"
"I mean actually talk, Nora. More than casual conversation."
I sighed. "I know what you meant."
"So?"
"Do we have to jump right into the deep end?" I stepped forward. "I haven't seen you in a week and would rather hear how you are." I glanced at the books and back at Calin. "What you've been up to."
"What have you been up to?"
"Learning. Practicing."
"I've been reading."
"About?"
"Magic."
"Okay, you know what? I'm leaving," I said, turning my back to Calin. "You obviously don't understand that what I'm doing isn't about you and I need time to figure it out."
"Then why are you here?"
I turned back and glared. "I'm here because I didn't like how we left things. I thought you might feel the same and—call me crazy—want to actually see I was okay."
"I do. I—"
I raised my hand. "You really want to know what's happening? Fine. Since leaving Wickenton, I have confirmed I have empathy and visions. Both were confirmed when I saw my grandparents murdered in their own home. I've finally learned my mother's secrets, figured out most of my abilities but the newest—deflection—and now have more responsibility than I imagined possible."
"Nora—"
"Oh! And I saw my mom die, and I was right. It so wasn't an accident!" I sucked in a breath. "Have I told you everything? No. But now I hope you understand the magnitude of what I haven't shared based on what I have told you. Maybe now you can try understand that I need time to figure things out!"
I turned on my heel and stomped out of the room, ignoring Calin calling my name. Yes, I felt bad I hadn't told him my discoveries. More than that, I was angry that Calin wasn't trying to understand anything from my perspective. The fact that he had in the past proved he could, which meant now he simply didn't want to.
The door of the library slammed, leaving me in the dark.
I exhaled, closing my eyes. When I opened them again, I was in bed, staring at the ceiling. Onyx warmed my side, the usual heat making me feel suffocated. I rubbed my hand down my face and exhaled.