32. and i've hurt myself

                                    

                                          
◖𓈈﹗﹙chapter thirty-two﹚
❛▬▬ and i've hurt myself . . . ❜


                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          

A year had passed since Dean Winchester made a deal with a demon, exchanging his soul for his brother's life. It had already been a whole year that felt like just a few months to the young witch, passing by like a movie. Time was relative when she felt the pressure of a dark fate, the foreboding that things would never be the same again, and only fighting for a glimpse of what once was kept her from collapsing. Lilith had experienced it during the months her mother was missing, and even though her year turned out much better compared to the hunter's, she still lived with constant fear of tragedy.
Lilith wanted to be with the boys on that day, the last day, but distances kept them apart once again, and Dean had begged and pleaded for her not to come, his eyes shining with tears as he tried to convince her not to accompany him when the hellhounds appeared. However, her stubbornness and sincere words made him accept her way:
"Look, Lilith, I don't want to drag you into this shit. I don't want you to witness my death, and there's no way you're getting close to Lilith the demon. Not while I'm alive. I know you're strong, you're a witch with damn powers, I know you can defend yourself just fine, God knows I know it, but if anything were to happen to you and you died... Even if I were to escape from Hell, I could never forgive myself. I don't want you to come, please. I'll be fine, you have to take care of yourself and your mother. I'll be fine, ready to accept your plan."
In the past two months devoted to refining the plan, the difficulties of making it work safely kept arising, up until today, showcasing the most fervent helplessness she had ever experienced in her life. Those problems prevented Dean from going to Hell with a clear conscience of returning. Nevertheless, what they had achieved so far was enough to make it a real option. The spell was the problem; it failed to complete the soul transformation with sufficient power, or - as the witch saw it - the guinea pig wasn't the right one. The experiment they conducted and, consequently, the terminology of the spell, was designed for a demon who possessed a soulless body, waiting to be awakened. The demon they used wasn't perfect because there were two entities in the body: the human and the demon. By the sixth round of blood, the demon weakened so much that the true person (if they were alive - in his case, he was) regained the power over their own body, engaging in a struggle that confused the hunters and the witch. However, even with this setback, when attempting the spell, the dark essence of the demon resurrected in small glimpses of the soul that once was and wanted to find rest in Heaven or wherever good souls went. Indeed, their plan was not confirmed one hundred percent, but it was the only option with a viability of more than fifty percent.
"Do you promise me you'll try to come back as a demon? Even as a last resort, no matter what you have to do, we'll help you. Promise me you'll try?" Lilith clung to the Impala's seat, knowing it would be the last time she would hear his voice for a long time. The fear that it would be for the rest of her life churned her stomach and seized her chest, squeezing her heart. "I want you to promise me."