Sea and Stars

                                    

                                          
It became a busy year. Ben had so many jobs I had to nearly force him to take a break now and then. Which was paradox because I myself had laid hands on a really interesting play with a lot potential, so I litterally worked night and day. After the decision to stay friends with him despite my feelings I put all my energy into keeping me busy. Whenever he wasn't around, he had to be out of my mind. My brain shouldn't get the time to think. So I got up early, went straight to work, got home late and prepared the next day until I was tired enough to fall directly asleep. Every sad song got deleted from my playlist, eat I could only with other people or in the distracting present of a book or the TV. Every day was as fully scheduled as possible, self-discipline was my survive motto.
For work that really paid off. The Lacuna Theatre Company, which I had co-founded, developed increasingly well and I regularly flew to LA where I had got a job as an artistic director at the Boiler Room.
But of course it had it's bad sides as well. Due to our busy schedules Ben and I barely saw each other and because I didn't gave my mind any chance to think about him during these breaks, it seemed to go completely crazy when I was with him. I just wasn't myself anymore and the more I tried to act normal, the more weird I behaved.
That eventually let to us not having met for over a month when the Sherlock season 2 shoot suddenly had to be interrupted because of the riots in London in August. That's when he called me again. 
'Hey, Soph, how are you?'
'I'm...uhm...fine.'
Gosh Sophie, are you not even able to answer a question as simple as this?
'Listen, we haven't seen each other in a while, what about... I don't know...a trip to the sea?'
'To the sea? I'm actually a bit busy so I don't know if...'
'Okay yeah I see. It's sad but if you have to work...'
Fuck he knows exactly how to wake my bad conscious. Like it's my fault if I have to work.
'Wait, maybe...', I looked through my time table for the weekend. 'Maybe Fe can do some of this stuff. But only 3 days max!'
'Great! You're the best Soph!'
He sounded really happy. Fe would hate me for that.
'So, uhm, which sea then? The real sea or the english sea?'
'I'm afraid I can only offer you our cold version of it. Can't get too far away, cause we don't know exactly when shooting can start again.'
'No problem. I had enough flying for this year already anyway.'
'Yeah, me too actually. I'll pick you up on Friday morning then, about 8, okay?'
'Okay but... Where do we go exactly?'
'Not sure yet. I'll text you. Say hi to Fe.'
And with that he hung up. And I was left standing there, wondering why my heart was beating like I had just run a marathon.
                          
'You owe me Soph. You owe me a fucking big vacation.'
'I know, I know, for the hundred time I'm sorry.'
I put on my best puppy face.
'Pff.'
Fe took the house key out of my hand, then suddenly stopped, looking at me closely. 
'Are you sure you can handle this Soph?'
I hesitated with the answer. A big motorbike halted in front of us. Ben opened his helmet and jumped down.
'Hey guys.'
I got a hug, then he took my bag and put it on the bike, while throwing me a second helmet.
Fe just gave me a kiss on the cheek and squeazed my hand.
'Be careful', he whispered before letting me climb on the bike behind Ben. I was a bit scared of motorbike riding but I'd never admit that to Ben. He was a real adrenaline junkey. And after all I enjoyed sitting so close to him, my arms around his waist, my head on his back.
We waved at Fe, then pulled over on the road.
Ben tried to avoid the highways and, maybe because of me, controlled his speed to a fun, but quite safe limit. To my own surprise I really enjoyed it. It took us about three hours until we arrived in a little village on the south-east coast. It was cute, with small houses, huddled together under the rough sea wind. But despite that the weather was okay, the sky was cloudy but stable, and there were even some boys swimming in the sea.
We halted in front of a little house a bit outside the village. It stood on a small cliff, from where a stony path led down to the beach. A little red VW was parked in the street.
We got of the bike and while Ben went in with our luggage to get the key and some rules from the owners, I went to the cliff. The strong wind met my face with salty water drops, bored up from the rough waves, breaking on the dark stones beneath me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I loved the sea. It smelled like freedom.
'Are you alright?'
I felt Ben's hand on my shoulder as he stepped beside me, looking out to some remote sailing ships on the horizon. I turned my head to look at him. His long Sherlocky curls got all messed up in the wind and gave the sight free on his eyes, which seemed to have turned into the wild but beautiful colour of the sea. It was hard to fight the urge to kiss him, or cuddle up against his shoulder. Instead I just smiled and looked back in front of me.
'Yes. I'm alright.'
He softly squeezed my shoulder in response.
                          
We spent the day wandering around the coast, until we settled down in front of the little fireplace, talking until 2am about anything and nothing. I couldn't help but think that this felt so right, that it was how it was supposed to be. How couldn't he feel that? I just wished these vacations could go on forever.
                          
Benedict's POV:
'Morning.' 
A yawning Sophie entered the kitchen, her hair still messed up from sleep. She looked more beautiful than ever. So relaxed, so not stressed. I didn't see her often like that.
'Good Morning. Coffee?'
'Yeah why not.'
I handed her a cup. She normally preferred tea but now and then a coffee was also allowed. 
'So what do you wanna do today?'
'Oh I don't know. Maybe just stay in, read a bit. Unless you want to do something else?'
She grinned and I couldn't help but respond it. She knew me so well.
'So be it.'
We had a nice breakfast outside. It was already half past eleven and the clouds kept making place for a clear sky with a warming summer sun, trying to fight her way through the fresh sea wind.
Then we both grabbed a book and spend the rest of the afternoon reading, Sophie outside, me on the couch. But for some reason  I couldn't fully concentrate. Instead I catched myself watching her several times without even noticing it in the first place. After a while I gave up and closed my eyes. The salty air streamed through the open back door. Everything seemed so peaceful.
                          
'Come on, Ben, it's cold.'
'Just a few more minutes. They'll come, you'll see.'
'You already said that an hour ago.'
She pulled my jacket closer around her shoulders. For some reason she seemed nervous.
'There!'
She pointed at the dark sky, which was filled with a billion stars. Some of them seemed to move quickly now and then disappeared on the horizon.
'It's so beautiful!'
She smiled at me, then looked back up. But I couldn't keep my eyes of hers. They seemed to shine even brighter than the stars above them, like they reflected all of their lights together.
'What?'
Noticing me staring, she turned to me again. I couldn't answer, I was still caught up in her eyes. They now looked confused, searching my face for an answer. I knew I should turn away now, say something casual, save the situation from getting awkward. But my mind seemed to have shut down, it was screaming it's warnings behind a deep fog, through which only echos reached my conscious. But they soon got drowned in the overwhelmingly loud pounding of my heart. It was all I could hear. Hypnothised I leaned forward, slowly my eyes fixed on hers. I could feel her breathing fast on my skin. My whole body felt like it was gonna explode. And then my lips touched hers. I could feel her soft skin on mine. She didn't refuse and I leaned in a bit deeper. And then, after what seemed like an eternaty, she kissed me back. It was a long, deep kiss, full of desperation and unbearable feelings.
When we pulled back her eyes were filled with fear and confusion. Suddenly my mind broke through the wall of fog. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
I pulled back further, staring at Sophie who seemed to have tears in her beautiful eyes.
'I'm sorry', I whispered, as she got up, slowly, and, mumbling something about needing time to think, walked away over the beach. The waves stroked the sand in the same, calming sound like three minutes ago. But in these three minutes everything has changed.