4 - Gone

                                    

                                          
Sam laid awake all night wishing it was all a nightmare. He smelled his finger with Rory's delicate scent and knew it was true. He had supported her choice of schools and accepted it by looking at the time in chunks. The many small chunks had turned into one very long year. He refused to look at it as two years, because he would convince her to change her mind when she came home for the summer. But what if she fell in love with another guy? She might never come home.
Turning, Sam groaned every muscle hurt, but he had finally fallen asleep. Seven-thirty! She was gone. He contemplated waving her off, but the two hours he finally slept were when she drove away from him.
Rolling over, he felt a throbbing pain in his chest. Advil wouldn't make it go away. He feared it never would disappear, and it scared him. He let sorrow and exhaustion pull him under.
Nightmares of falling and searching filled restless sleep. Any time he stirred exhaustion pulled him under. His head had a dull ache to match the one in his heart. Plunging into deep water, sinking to the bottom, a face staring at him, he opened his eyes. 
"What the hell?"
His stepbrother, Cole, sat on his desk chair watching him. Sympathy was painted across his chiseled features. He could be a model with his blond hair and tanned skin.
"Go away."
Sam turned on his side facing the wall. He didn't want anyone to see him.
"Maddie called to check on you, since you aren't answering your phone."
"No need." The only person he wanted to call was driving to Virginia.
"She's worried about you. We all are."
Sam groaned. At least he wouldn't have to tell them. The stares and looks of pity would be like it had been after his mother died.
"You know."
"I'm so sorry. I think we're all in shock. Anna cried. She's here for you."
Cole's girlfriend, Anna, was like Sam's little sister. Their fathers were best friends. They lived in the same small town in Ohio before moving to The Point. Sam thought his life would be miserable when they moved to Maine, so his Dad could marry Alison. He didn't know the misery would wait years before it caught up to him.
"Mom wants you to eat dinner."
Dinner? "What time is it?"
"It's after five you haven't drunk anything."
"Got any Jack or tequila."
"Might as well kill yourself with Jagermeister."
That stuff would kill him. "Just leave. Tell Maddie, I'm breathing, for now." The last bit sounded pathetic, but he wanted her to feel guilty.
Cole left and his eyelids took him under back to the restless oblivion teetering between forgetting and pain. At three am he sat up. He needed to drink. Slowly he made his way down to the kitchen. Filling a glass, he put his finger to his nose. Her scent had faded a little. 
The water was cold in his dry mouth, like the ocean water on his toes. It hit his empty stomach. He sank to the floor with the glass in his hand. Sipping slowly, he finished the glass and grabbed a plastic water bottle and made his way up the stairs and back to bed.
He woke to light streaming in. What happened to his shades?
Turning over, Anna sat at his desk. The stream of sun made her look angelic with a golden halo. 
"Am I dead?"
Her voice was gentle. "Are you trying to be?"
"No. I'm just tired."