𝐖𝐨𝐥𝐟

                                    

                                          
"Red?"
I looked up from my blank staring. Jamie and Adam were staring at me, identical looks of concern displayed on their faces. I sighed and plastered one of my famous fake smiles over my face. Of course, both of them knew me too well to actually believe that I was fine.
"C'mon, you can tell us," pestered Jamie, flipping a lock of dark brown hair over her shoulder. "We're your best friends!" Adam nodded in agreement. Adam didn't talk much, in fact most of the kids at our school thought he was mute. He rarely said a word when we were at school, instead choosing to write down what he wanted to say on pieces of paper or sticky notes. We'd communicate that way. At home, however, it seemed like we couldn't get him to stop talking.
"I don't know, I just feel like graduation is right around the corner, poking its gnarled head around the wall and throwing up gang signs at me," I complained. Graduation was in nine months, and most kids in my grade had everything figured out already. Not me. I didn't know what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, or how I was going to survive on my own. Jamie already had her apartment picked out, her favorite restuarants near her university, and what specific style of clothes she was going to where around the quaint little town her college was in. How could I even begin to compete with that?
Adam smiled at my metaphor, and bent over a piece of paper to scribble out his reply. You're being dramatic, he wrote. They're satanic symbols, not gang signs. Much less threatening. I glared at him. "Not helping," I whined. Adam shrugged non-apologetically and drew a little crying emoji on the corner of the paper. He turned the piece around and pointed at it with his finger. Then imitated crying with his hands until I flipped him off and looked at Jamie instead. 
"Adam's right about you being dramatic though," Jamie pointed out, rubbing my shoulder comfortingly. I shifted away from her hand. Jamie was a touchy person, that's how she showed she cared, but I was the complete opposite. I didn't like other people's hands on me, especially if I didn't know what they were doing. My shoulders were the only spot that I was okay with uninstigated touching, because they were easy to swat away if I got uncomfortable. My face, my legs, and my stomach were the big no-no areas that I was prepared to bite, kick, claw, and scream in order to protect from unwanted touching. 
"It's easy for you to say that," I snapped. "You've got it all figured out, Jamie. I've got nothing."
"I'm sure that's not true. Have you looked at any colleges?"
"None of them feel right," I replied. Every time I went searching for a university, something was wrong with it. Either I had too many credits, the university had a dark background, or they had crazy expectations that I couldn't meet. I considered going to Jamie's school, but I didn't want to be in such a remote area. I wanted a small town, but close enough to a big city that someone could hear us screaming. I just wasn't sure. "I don't even know what I want to study."
Jamie rested her chin on her hands. "Well I'm studying psychiatry, does that sound interesting to you?"
I grimaced. "I don't think I'm the right person to talk to about mental problems."
Adam snickered behind his hand. Jamie glared at him. "Shut up Adam, we're trying to comfort Red, not make him feel worse!" she scolded. "Anyways, there has to be something that interests you. Like art, or music, or maybe yelling?"
"Yelling?"
"Like a lawyer," Jamie offered.
I shook my head. "I'm too dumb to be a lawyer. I wouldn't know what to say, and I crack too easily under pressure."
Jamie pouted. "Yeah... but we'll find something for you!"
Adam's pencil squeaked as he wrote out his next sly remark. Yeah, unemployment. I rolled my eyes and pushed the paper away. The worst part was that he was right. I had no idea what I wanted to be. Nothing felt right, nothing made me feel happy. Nothing clicked. I'd gone through almost every major possible trying to find one that sounded suitable, but none of them had anything to do with my few interests and the rest of them just didn't interest me. Art didn't pay as well as it should, music was all about what your audience liked, and the big money-maker jobs wouldn't let me in even if I begged on my hands and knees. I wasn't exceptionally smart, I had average grades and an average life. I wasn't gifted in any way, or had some sort of secret power that could help me better excell in college.
Jamie drummed her nails on the table. "Just ignore him, Red, he's just sour today," she tried to reassure me. I shook my head with a small sigh and rested my chin on my hands, going back to blankly staring at the wall on the other side of the cafeteria. I could barely eat the mush the cooks called food, my appetite was completely gone. "I'd better start getting used to not eating, if I'm going to be starving on the streets once I graduate," I said bitterly. 
Jamie frowned. "No you won't- you can live with me, if things get rough. You can fine a job in the town by my college and we can be roommates! Wouldn't that be a whole bunch of fun?" she crowed.
"Until you bring Amy over and there isn't any privacy."
Jamie's face turned bright red. "Well excuse me for wanting to help."
I instantly felt guilty. "No, you're right, I'm sorry. I'm just being difficult. I don't want to bother you when you're trying to be an independent, ass-kicking psychiatrist so I'll figure something out. Maybe my parents can help me out when I start 'being an adult'," I said, making sure to put quotes around my final words because I knew damn well I wouldn't start for a good long while yet. I didn't want to grow up, I never had. I always hated when the kids my age said they were too old to play pretend or too big to play Tag anymore. All I wanted was to stay a young, fun-loving child forever and never have to deal with taxes or bills. I saw how the affected my parents. Not even I was enough to flush out the doubt of their upcoming payments and soul-crushing debt. Crazy, right?
Adam looked between us. "You guys are lame."
I scoffed. "Shut up."
Adam crossed his arms and tilted his head upwards. "No, you guys are boring. I want a fight, a juicy argument. Do you know how draining it is to be at school? Why do you think so many people get into fistfights? I just wish we weren't seniors. Now we have to be the 'responsible' ones and 'set a good example'."
The was probably the most he'd ever said at school, and he seemed to realize it as he looked around quickly and ducked his head back down over his paper. Adam was strangely bloodthirsty for someone that claimed to be shy. He rarely got into trouble because no one suspected the quiet, straight A student to be a culprit. I didn't know half the stuff he got away with, but I knew they were something anyone else would expelled for. 
Jamie pouted again. "So? I like being grown up. We're almost adults. Once we get out of here, we'll be grown-ups out in the big world. Isn't that exciting?"
"No," Adam and I said at the same time. We looked at each other blankly, and then started snickering.
"Seriously guys, this is a big deal! We're planning out our whole lives. School is only like a fifth of our entire lifespan, so what are we going to do for the rest of it?" Jamie said earnestly, trying her hardest to make us say something positive about where we were going. Adam and I shared a look again.
"Well, I know what I'm doing with my life. At least I'm not shooting in the dark like Red is," Adam said finally. He glanced at Jamie mischeviously. "Is that what you wanted me to say?"
Jamie glared at us. "You two are awful."
"Love you too," Adam and I said together.
Jamie shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe you two."