October

                                    

                                          
                               CHAPTER FOUR
They say that good things don't last. If you'd told that to the version of me that existed several months ago, she would have disagreed. 
But we were now two entirely different people. That girl was warmed by youthful naivety. While I froze inside a grave that I dug for myself.
At night, the fall air was brutal. Each breeze slapped my exposed skin with a touch like razor blades. I was sneaking out my bedroom window, just like I always did.
"Are you guys coming?" I knew I was one of the very few nocturnal creatures roaming the earth at this hour, but I whispered into the phone anyway. 
"Yeah. Nathan just got out of work; he's gonna change, and then we're coming." Said Avery. 
"Okay, hurry. I'm waiting out back, and it's freezing," With a click, the call ended. 
The lamppost on the main road offered me some assistance as I moved from concrete to grass. A rusted swing set made a home there—in the tiny patch of green that was my backyard. 
I positioned myself on one of the swings and shoved my hand into the pocket of my jacket. There wasn't much I could do about the cold, but I rationalized that smoke might be able to settle my shivering. 
So I propped the half-smoked joint between my lips. And I thought about childhood and how quietly it abandoned me. Without even knowing it, I had left my youth behind. 
It was sad when I really thought about it, how we outgrow even ourselves. 
"I see you," A voice called out. 
My heart stopped. I pulled the joint from my lips and stood up from the swing. But there was nothing there. From what I could see, which was very little, it was just me, the overgrown weeds, and an old gazebo. 
"My bad. I didn't mean to scare you." Almost out of thin air, a figure stepped out into the few streaks of moonlight. 
At first, I struggled to make out who it was. I inched closer. My curiosity was now clouding all rational thoughts. 
"Julian?"
The name felt familiar in my mouth. But I hadn't reached for it in so long. "I really didn't mean to scare you; I was takin out the garbage, and I saw you smoking. I thought it would be funny." 
Everything about him was a strong reminder of just how much time had passed. All childlike qualities were long gone. 
Change was kind to him. His face was smooth and chiseled, unlike the full-round face he had when we were kids. "It's okay," was all I could think to say. 
My mind couldn't put a word to it, having shared so much of my childhood with someone, but their presence felt so unfamiliar. "I didn't know you smoked. But I guess it has been a while." 
His voice was different from what I could remember. Deeper. Softer. Like ocean waves meeting the shore. 
The weight of the joint and the lighter enclosed within my fist suddenly became apparent. "Yeah, I'm trying to quit." My eyes refused to move away from him. 
"Why?" He asked. 
"It's a bad habit," I said, pressing my lips together. "Did you want to?" Flipping my hand over, I revealed the objects hidden in my palm.  
"Uh—" He hesitated, turning back to look at the shadows from where he had come. "Yeah, sure." 
He followed as I walked my previous path to the swing set. As kids, Julian was always trying to catch up to me in height. And now he finally had. 
It was intimidating. Having the same boy who used to race me to the end of the street and back tower over me. 
"So, how have you been?" 
I took a long drag of the joint before answering, trying to suffocate the strange sensation sitting in the pit of my stomach. "Honestly, pretty much the same as the last time you saw me," I exhaled. "Which was what? Like, three years ago?" 
He laughed. I handed him the joint. "What about you?" I asked. "How are your mom and dad doing?" 
"Emily and Will are good," he replied. Smoke filled the air around him. "They're excited for me to graduate, probably can't wait for me to get out of the house." 
He passed the burning joint back to me. The closeness of our hands made the sensation grow stronger. "Yeah. I can't wait to get out of here," I forced myself to ignore it. 
"Are you going to college?" Julian replied. 
"As soon as possible," I said, pressing the tips of my shoes into the wet dirt in front of me. "There's nothing here." Maybe it was in my head. But I swear there was a shift in his demeanor. 
Julian didn't say anything. Instead, he did as I had, pushing the tips of his shoes into the soft dirt and rocking himself back and forth in the swing. "Yeah, I thought about it too. I'm not sure, though."
It felt like meeting him again for the first time, life using us as pawns in their ultimate agenda, giving us the opportunity to grow up and become different people in the time we spent apart. "I'm sorry I haven't hit you up in a while; I've been meaning to. I just—I don't know, I never did." 
He finally spoke, interrupting the brief silence. I turned to look at him. The moon's light changed shapes across his velvet skin as he continued to rock in the swing. The feeling in my stomach grew. 
I was just high. At least that's what I kept telling myself. "It's okay. You don't have to feel bad. I could've reached out too. That's just life."  The words came out of my mouth stiffer than I anticipated. 
"I know—I just do." Julian seemed distant, like that wasn't the response he was looking for. "We should do this again sometime." The joint was gone. Our time together now also moving towards its inevitable end.  
 
My eyelids were heavy on my face. I didn't have any words. So I nodded. 
"I'm serious," he laughed. "You should give me your number so we can do this again." 
I did as he asked. And for a second, I wondered if he felt it too. The same turning in his stomach. But I knew that was make-believe, and this was the real world. "Oh, and I like your—outfit?" His voice wavered. 
Heat rushed to my face. "Oh—right. Thanks." 
Somehow, his presence made me forget everything. My plans for the evening. Just how freezing the midnight air was. Any and all problems that might have been troubling me. "It's for a Halloween party. My ride is supposed to be coming to get me." 
"Oh, that's right. Happy Halloween," he said. 
And I wished my ride would never come. And that the sun would never rise again. "Happy Halloween." Anything to keep me in this moment just a little while longer.
Eighteen © Wordstothewise ™ 2024