Chapter 35

                                    

                                          
I was mistaken, when I said tomorrow it will hurt less, I thought still time is there to save myself from falling for the person who is only capable of breaking hearts, that very day I didn't know that it was too late for me to save myself, I had already fallen for him a long time ago. It was just my mind who doesn't want to accept it.
Fear. I fear the fear. 
Love. I love the love.
And love and fear were perilous yet enthralling emotions to go side by side. As said, there is often a pinch of fear required in love to flavor this delicious sensation. 
My entire life I was musing, dreaming, and searching for love, and now when finally, I acquired it, why was I running from it? What foolishness it is, you all might be thinking.
My dearest, he wasn't the person who I was meant to fall for. 
Ever have seen fire and water together? No? So how could you except me and Aiden in a relationship? Nevertheless, a part of me wanted to acquire a place in his heart. I didn't even receive a whiff of a warning when my heart initiated to fall in love with him, even after falling in love with him, it was unknown to me that I was already in love. The entire idea and fantasy I had about love seemed too insignificant in front of the real emotions that I was feeling.
Four days.
It took four days of havoc, brainstorming, distance, tears, and ache to conclude why my heart was burning in ashes, what is the difference between existing and living, and why after being hurt by him myriads of times, my pride kisses the ground he walks on. It was all because I loved him.
I am in love with him. And I am afraid.
Afraid of what? Afraid of him. Afraid of how he makes me feel. Afraid of this love being so unexpected. Afraid of unknown. And most important, afraid of his reaction when he will know.
Will he laugh at me? Will he brush off me and my feeling? Will I be just turned out to be one of his another girls?
I wanted cry and wreck myself for being so careless to fall for him, but then again, not all the blame is on me, we can't help who we fall for. And my treacherous heart decided to fall for the very person, who was out of my league and would never love me back.
So, this is how Celestine would have felt when she confessed her love to Erasmus only get her heartbreak by his answer? Yes, later Erasmus realized, how much he loves her but Aiden was not Erasmus and I am not Celestine. He doesn't believe in love; I could never change his perspective over it. 
"Even though it was my favorite topic, Mr. William had not missed the chance to make it boring," Elliot grunted, as we walked out from our last lecture. In the last few past days Elliot and my friendship was growing immensely. We hadn't heard a word from Lucy since our indifference last time. As Elliot said, she needed some time, but her negative acknowledgment had me worried, maybe I should pay a visit to her, I don't know what to say to her. Maybe I should apologize. 
"So true, he is capable of making simple equations into rocket science," I said, quietly.
" Emerald? You look a bit distressed these days. Is it because of Lucy? Well, I told you she will get over it soon, she is just being stubborn." To some extent his assumption was accurate, Lucy's quietness was one of the reasons but Aiden was the chief motive for my disruption.
"Elliot?" Was my abrupt call, he looked at me with his wide brown eyes. " Have you ever been in the love?"
" Why this strange sudden question?" His brows drew together in bafflement.
" Just say, have you ever been?" I asked again, desperately.
He paused. Hint of turmoil filled his gaze which faded instantly. "Yes," he began. "But we break up a few months ago, why are you asking?"