4

                                    

                                          
Namjoon keeps expecting for something to happen after the weird work session-cum-threesome ( ha , ha ). And there's nothing weird that happens afterwards, not really. He figures maybe it'll happen again, the next night, when they're all piled into Yoongi's studio again, but the night passes uneventfully as they dutifully work on the new track in tandem. He's – a little disappointed. This was something he needed on some level, the feeling of intimacy after so many months of being cut off from it. He would have settled for non-sexual intimacy, too, even though he thinks secretly that that might be too painful, an even worse rejection of him than if they just never did it again. 
Neither Yoongi nor Hoseok act any way but aggravatingly normal to him and Namjoon wonders if it even happened at all, if maybe he'd just had a bizarre dream. Equally, Yoongi and Hoseok don't act any way but normal to each other – Namjoon's got eagle eyes on them when they're not looking, trying to catch them doing something that would be considered as evidence of their relationship. Relationship? Was it one? Were they dating? Were they just fucking? Did they want him again, had he been so mediocre in the sack that it's not even entered their minds? It's not like Namjoon could just ask. So he watches them, watches how Yoongi does or doesn't acquiesce to Hoseok, watches how Hoseok does or doesn't lean on him. And he learns nothing at all.
The only thing that really keeps him from believing he'd just imagined it all is the quickly fading mark on his neck. Yoongi and Hoseok don't seem to be tuned into it, but Seokjin is. He'd poked at it, brought Namjoon's attention to it. And even though it's nearly gone now, Seokjin is still at it. It's like he's trying to make the blemish, the evidence , stick around longer through touching it. The stab at it the night it appeared and then, after that, at least a couple of times a day, Namjoon would feel Seokjin's slender fingers fluttering around it, even if momentarily. A tap, a touch. More physical contact with Seokjin than he'd had in months. He hates it as much as he loves it.
He's afraid that it will stop once the mark is gone. And everything will revert back into the stifling discomfort of the last few months.. Namjoon realizes he doesn't think of pre-presenting as before any longer very much these days. Now before is just before he fucked everything up by going into heat in their apartment. Before-before seems too distant, like they can't ever get back there. It was a dream he once had. Maybe once Hoseok's bruise on him is gone, Seokjin will stop touching him. And he doesn't want him to. But he can't just say that. 
Seokjin's face is just as mysterious and closed-off as ever. Namjoon can't get a read on him. Never has been really able to. He thinks that the only person who might really know him is Yoongi and that's probably just a by-product of them having shared a room for years. Seokjin is secretive and keeps his feelings close to the chest. He's always there for them, but it's not always reciprocal. Namjoon has known Seokjin for almost a decade but sometimes he looks at him and is in awe of all the things he doesn't know. It's nothing like Taehyung, who wears his heart on his sleeve, always. Or Yoongi, whose quietness was often mistaken for aloofness but who had no reservations about revealing every minute, intimate detail of his heart. Seokjin is – singular. They're close, for sure. How could they not be? But it had taken so long for Seokjin to initiate casual skinship (especially off-camera) that Namjoon acutely felt its loss.
So he preens into Seokjin's hand when it rests on the back of his neck and he digs his thumb in. Maybe if he presses hard enough, he'll make a bruise of his own; maybe he'll keep coming back.


But something finally does happen, not even a week later. He's back early from a session with his vocal coach, having been dismissed when he'd gotten a text from his wife and apologetically explained that their daughter had just presented – and Namjoon was more than happy to let himself be dismissed. Every free moment was precious and he'd virtually sprinted home, hoping to change and go down to the river for the rest of the afternoon, of which there was plenty left. There's only Jeongguk home right now, who's staying in on account of his rut, and he'll be holed up in his room for another couple of days at least. Namjoon is confident in his ability to get in and out, to enjoy his day.