Call me by my name

                                    

                                          
15. Call me by my name
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Kaden was leading me by the hand deep into the forest, a part I have not thought of venturing into myself, I don't know much about the pack grounds since I have only spent my time in the pack house, Kaden's house, the pack clinic and the dining halls. 
I could hear the howls of the pack members from several directions, the full moon was almost approaching and they all could feel it coming. 
The sparks of the bond between us are heightened in me and I feel it strongly, my wolf is already scratching at the surface, I feel her closer to me, the moon has brought her closer to me. 
Kaden stops abruptly and I stop as well. 
"The pack members would not intrude on us here" he says, he lets go of my hand and I take in the surroundings before me, there was a small lake a couple of feet from us and fireflies surrounded the water dancing in the moonlight , there were scrubs everywhere and I finally understand that this was a meadow, I had not expected a place like this in the pack, there was nothing like this in my former pack. 
The meadow was completely and irrevocably beautiful or rather breathtaking against the moon light and it was the perfect setting of a romantic scene like the ones in those human romantic movies, —this was the perfect spot for lovers but to me this would be where I will be screaming in agony while my bones break until I am in my wolf form, a rather painful memory to bear, but it is as it is.
Kaden turns me around until I am facing him and our eyes are meeting"I need you to relax" his voice was surprisingly calm and soothing as that of a lover, it sounded strange to me. I had never imagined him in that tone, every time he had spoke to me, his tongue has always been laced with grudges and anger.
"I am scared" I truthfully confessed, I know I was showing vulnerability before this Alpha that probably could care less but I was indeed frightened, I was scared of the pain that is to come and the pain that he would feel just because of me "I do not want to hurt you" 
"I will be fine, we are both in this together" he rests his forehead on mine, despite the situation at hand, Kaden's words were making me feel drawn to him. 
I don't when but strangely I have started to develop feelings for this Alpha and this was not just the bond igniting it, truthfully the bond was making it worse for me, I wonder if I will be able to control my emotions, from today on because I am attracted to a man that will never fully accept me. 
I inhale deeply as I feel the power of the moon enter into my bones and right then, there was the first crack "Alpha!" I cried out in pain as I fell to the ground, it was just as excruciating as the time in the dining hall.
"I am here with you, call me by my name" he said soothingly, he had lowered himself on the ground,through the pain I feel, I still search his eyes for doubts, was this his wolf? or was this him—I feel the wall in his mind drop and I feel his power resonate through me, was this how he was going to take my pain, by giving me some of his power. 
The second crack comes "Kaden!" I cry out this time in his name as he has given me the permission to, the pain of the second crack is not as excruciating as the first and I know that whatever Kaden is doing to help me is working. 
Kaden growls and I feel more energy seep through me as the moon has finally become full, the howls of the wolves are louder and more around the surrounding trees.
I know Kaden was in pain, I could feel it but he was holding himself back, on normal circumstances he should be shifting just like the other wolves but he was forcing himself to stay human as well as give me his power at the same time, he was truly strong, my heart swelled with pride.