Chapter XXI - Chaos

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02-Apr – Australia Grand Prix

The two glasses of whiskey didn't improve my sleep at all, they actually make it worse. During the whole night I was waking up and falling asleep again and again, and again and every time I closed my eyes, I was having nightmares – about the future race, about my contract, about Charles or Carlos... I couldn't believe that this situation affected my psyche so much. I was always trying to stay strong and ignore such kind of problems, but this time it was different. 

For this short period of time, I was working at the Scuderia, Charles and Carlos became the most important people of the team for me. I have just started to trust them so much that I could share anything with them, I was feeling them close to me and called them my friends. And then Carlos screwed everything up, something that was a major talent of Ferrari employees. Expect me... Hope I wouldn't become a screwer in future.

I was feeling disappointed, betrayed but also humiliated in front of the whole team, lost the last drop of respect I ever managed to get from them. How was I supposed to continue? But why I was thinking about continuing my work for Ferrari, when Vasseur stated that this would be probably my last race?! Thank you, Carlos, always the best!

I got out of bed with the first sunrays coming through the windows into my room. I was still frustrated about Carlos actions, but on the top of it, I had a strong headache. My brain was going to explode any minute. Probably the fault was in the amount of alcohol I drank in my furious mood. I don't know what happened to me. I don't usually drink, but when I do it, it is only one glass, so I could take part in the toast... Well, the dream of many people – to work for Scuderia Ferrari , was more like a beautiful nightmare rather than sweet dream to me. And all the stress here made a complete mess in my life. I was waiting impatiently for the three weeks break, where I could find some peace during the holidays and regenerate my system... Of course, if I wasn't kicked out of the team till then.

I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of strong espresso, just how we Italians know to do it, so it could turn on my senses and make me feel a bit better if this was possible. While the liquid was being prepared, I leaned on the table plot and covered my face with hands. Oh, how bad I wanted all of this to finish faster! I didn't even know how to go to the paddock today, when I had the willingness to smack Carols' phiz. The only person who was stopping me from doing it was Isa. The girl tried to show her support to me yesterday, but I was so mad that I threw out everything on her. I should apologize at Hernáez if we had the chance to see each other before the race.

The sound of checking an access card and door opening snapped me out of my imagination of "pancetta revenge" to Carlos and I looked up to see Charles and Arthur entering the apartment.

- Good morning, Cindere... - started cheerfully Arthur but his brother turned to him and whispered something in French. The blondie suddenly got confused look.

- He meant, good morning, little one! – Charles turned to me and smiled softly. – Did you sleep well?

- Looking at her, did she have a good sleep last night? – asked sarcastically the younger one.

I gave to both Leclerc a criminal offensive side eye and took my cup of coffee, then drank the liquid at once and cleared my throat. I shivered from the bitterness of the drink.

- That was too strong! – I mumbled, then filled the machine to make another one.

- May we have one too? – Arthur asked and I looked at him.

- Yes, at the restaurant downstairs – his smile disappeared, hearing my words. – The morning isn't good at all, and I want to ask you... Do you know the meaning of personal space? Because you both just enter my room every fucking day this week, as if it is your own one!

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