My room was painted a dark blue and filled with clutter. I had my walls covered in posters for bands and movies I like.  My desk was shoved in a corner half hazard stacks with books clothes and other things I didn't know what to do with along with my dresser top. I had a shelf that held a small trophy I won from the boy scouts pinewood derby but also a couple of Lego sets I had built and kept. I wanted so badly to bask in the light atmosphere of Kyle's room shivering in the cold but warm in his arms. If I could find it in me to get off the floor, I wanted to go over and lay on his floor. My phone rang and I jump at it fumbling to pick it up expecting it was Kyle. I quickly pressed the answer call button without really looking at who was calling.
"Kyle?" I asked in a shaking voice.
"No? Stan baby, it's Mom," my heart sank with disappointment.
"I don't want to talk to you, Sharron!"
"Stanley! What have I told you about calling me by my first name?" she said angrily.
"I do not give a rat's ass!"
"Langage! Stan stop being difficult," my mom sighed on the other end of the line.
"Remember when I called you crying? Remember it was because you left me? Remember how you said you were sorry about leaving me?"
"Stan please-"
"Mom you left me here with dad! I don't want to hear what you have to say," I was getting angry now.
"Stan just please! Listen!  Stan, I-"
"I'm tired mom, I didn't sleep well and I don't want to listen anymore," I removed the phone from my ear and my thumb hovered over the end call button. I faintly heard my mom's protests. All my thoughts swam around and my head felt heavy. I wanted to drink again, my snobs were empty but I had a bottle of whiskey hidden snuggly in my dresser drawer.
I dug out the bottle and began the vicious circle of couping. Due to my headache, I didn't want to get wasted again so for a couple of hours I nursed the whiskey bottle taking it slow as to not get totally messed up. It had been a couple of hours before there was a sharp quick knock on my bedroom door.
"What?" I said not wanting to deal with my dad.
"Hey, Stan?" Kyle stepped in. My demeanor instantly changed at the sight of the person I wanted most in the world. The whiskey had made me a bit more peppy my thought a little less coherent but I was still decently sober. I smiled at Kyle and beckoned him to sit on the floor next to me.
"Ky, I'm so fucking glad to see you," I wrapped an arm around him thudding my head onto his shoulder.
"Stan have you been drinking?" he fidgets with his fingers, I looked down at how red they were the dried blood around his nail bed concerned me. I took his hand and kissed each one of his fingers.
"Ky don't hurt yourself your so beautiful," I put down his hand and reached for the other and kissed each of his other fingers.
"Yeah you have been drinking," he sighed disappointed. I held up the half-full bottle shaking it listing to the nice swish of the liquid.
"Yeah just a little, I just- my mom..." I trailed off and eyed his neck, without much thought I pressed my lips into his soft pale skin and kissed his neck feeling the warmth of his body against my lips. Kyle flinched a little at my sudden action.
"Stan, please," he protested but I pulled him back a little bit kissing his neck more. His breath shook slightly and he hummed enjoying the feeling. I began now to suck a little biting down.
"Stan dude stop we need to talk about this," he slightly pushed me off and I looked at him with disappointment deep in my face. I smiled slightly at the now-forming dark mark from where my lips were. He wiped away my silvia and faced me with compassion.
"I'm tired of talking babe!" I grunted in protest.
"You can't drink your feelings away Stan," he cooed softly and kissed my forehead slightly.
"I don't want to feel anything," my face was hot and my vision started to blur with tears. I used the back of my hands to furiously wipe them away. "Can't we just kiss or something?" I said in a low whisper that was more of a whine the way it came out.
"I know you're hurting but need to deal with it babe, you can't just shut out the world."
"Kyle- I- I don't know how to stop," I choked out, I had to force the words out like they were stuck to my throat and were holding on for dear life.
"I love you, Stanly Marsh, and I want to help you but you need to want help," he said softly. I nodded vigorously and Kyle traced his thumb over my cheek wiping away a stray tear.  I loved the way he said my name. I kissed him innocently this time and I felt Kyle smile against our kiss and he pulled away from it.
"I love you too Kyle Brovloski."