Starved

                                    

                                          
TW:body shaming,Ed
Later at my house I'm laying on my bed staring at my phone,I saw edits of Ash and...another girl?
Y/n:"wtf..."
i sat up to get a better look and I saw that they were making out.I get teary eyes and start looking at this persons page?It was all edits of him and this one girl and there was only around 3 of me...I look at the comments on the other girl with Ash.
'Stunning'
'Slayyy'
'Literally a goddess?!'
'Wayyy better than y/n!'
Better?
I then look at the comments of me and Ash...
'She look like a PIG lmao'
'How could SHE pull HIM?!
'Damn she fat?'
'Ew...'
I didn't wanna go here again,i thought I was pretty?i thought I had a good body figure?But compared to the other girls body,i didn't stand a chance!I turn my phone off completely and cry into my pillow.
Around 5 minutes later Maddy walks in.
Maddy:"y/n?you ok?" She said and sat next to me
Y/n:"NO!ASH IS CHEATING ON ME WITH A GORGEOUS GIRL AND EVERYONE SAYS SHES WAY PRETTIER THAN ME?THERES MORE EDITS OF HIM AMD HER THAN ME AND HIM?!AND IF THERE IS ANY ITS ALL BAD EDITS!" I say and go back to crying into my pillow
Maddy:"What." She hopped up and grabbed my arm
Y/n:"w-what are you doing?" I said wiping my tears
Maddy:"we're gonna show him." 
Y/n:"Maddy i haven't even talked to him yet?"
Maddy threw me my phone
Maddy:"talk to him,on speaker!but say your alone!" I nod and started to call him...
After the call I was crying even harder!He admitted to cheating and that she was in fact a better kisser,and she had a better face,better voice,better eyes,and like everyone said,a better body.Suddenly I was 5 years old again?Feeling this much pain broke me.Especially from Ash,I really thought I had someone who finally loved me for me but he probably only loved to use me. 
We stopped at the shop and Maddy jumped out her new car that she had gotten earlier and slammed the door.I watched as she burst in the shop and started yelling at Fez?I just lay my head back down and cry harder.
After a while I hear Maddy.She said Ash wanted to apologize?
Ash:"look y/n...I am truly very sorry for what I said,but can you please forgive me and-"
Y/n:"FORGIVE YOU?!IM NOT FORGIVING YOU FOR SHIT!YOU MADE ME HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE THAN I ALREADY DID?I THOUGHT I ACTUALLY HAD SOMEONE WHO REALLH LOVED ME FOR ME BUT NO.ASH WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!" I said and stormed back into the car leaving him speechless.
Maddy:"PERIOOOOOD!"
Y/n:"Maddy not right now..." I said and laid back down.
When we got home I ran to my room and blocked Ash on everything!Then I had made the mistake of looking at myself in the mirror...
Y/n:"God i do look fat...I do look ugly?Why tf am I like this?" I say and jump back onto my bed.
I stared at the Polaroids of me and Ash hanging from my string lights and I tare them down.Then I look around my room for anything Ash gave me.His hoodies,plushies,cards,candys,pictures,notes.All of that and I put it in a box and wrote a note for him.
It hurt how not even 24 hrs ago we were smoking together on my roof?No matter what I did,I couldn't stop crying!So I just cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I woke up to breakfast on my vanity, remembering those comments I deny it.Instead I go shower and throw the food away.
After my shower I got changed into an oversized shirt and realized it Ash's,whatever atp?I pull the back of it tight enough to where I could see my body figure,damn...
Maddy walked in while I was doing this.
Maddy:"y/n...stop.Your better than that slutty bitch?" She said removing my hands from my shirt
Y/n:"I'm not..."
Maddy:"Y/N!Dont you ever say that!?" She said hugging me.
I remembered what I did to become skinny in 6th grade and started doing it all over again,starving myself.And I meant it?No gum,no water,no nothing!And if I did eat something,I would make myself throw up almost immediately after?At some point I was able to see my rib cage...if Maddy saw it I would be dead!
I started to wear oversized shirts everywhere I went!loosing all self confidence!Because of some stupid 16 yr old boy who sells drugs?Why tf am I damaging myself for HIM?