(Dedicated to Shakeria1994)
Ashlee
Leave me alone is all she stressing.
"A.J.-", I stop myself, wondering if it even matters. I knew that sh*t in my fu*king head, I should be teaching right now, anything other than this! I'm a dumb b*tch a** n*gga for this sh*t, I should have kept that well needed distance between us!
I just had to be selfish, thinking about my own needs. But isn't love selfish?
A person will neglect everything to have the one they love, whether they are aware of it or not. I wasn't ready for it, at all. I don't want to feel like this, then again who is really ready for something so life altering to come through and just make every single thing more intricate?
I use to think that sh*t was weak as f*ck, until it knocked my a** out. The act of falling is sort of like a unwanted little obsession for me, but the more I fight against it, the stronger it gets. I know men, who claim that they are ready for that type of commitment and they get the woman they claim that they love and f*ck it the hell up with lying and cheating. I'm going to be a man about mine, I don't care if I am twenty-four years old I'm not ready for all that sh*t. I don't try to hide that fact either. B*tches I f*ck with f*ck with other b*tches and that's what I like.
Contrary to most females and some men beliefs, a good woman can't change man, because if he isn't ready to change he won't. Not even the best p*ssy in the world can change a man, because there is always a tighter, wetter one somewhere else. We get intense bloodhound senses to sniff out that good sh*t!
Love can't exist in that, that's why I like it.
My friend of seven years Matthew, recently got married to his best friend and high school sweetheart Aiden. They way he talks about his husband is truly amazing. I've talked to him about April on a few occasions and he tells me the same thing ever time, "When are you going to make your move and most importantly when will we meet her?"
I just laugh them off, but honestly that's the one thing I can't actually do. I'd be fooling myself if I wasn't craving her love, but it's not what I want.
Sh*t, slipped out of hand quicker than I could grasp it. I just had to force my f*cking presence back in her life. She wasn't ready and neither was I.
We did sh*t on f*cking impulse, not giving da*n about thinking before acting. I've been on one continual impulse since my a** got here - to make things right between us. It never occurred to my dumba** that maybe, although we have been apart for a year that a different type of distance is possibly needed for us to come back together.
The closer we are the more we drown, the more we fight, and the more we hate. The simplest solution would be stay away from one another. I don't know about her, but when I'm away from her it hurts like a hell. So when I say, I don't want to be here, I don't, but I'm not going anywhere though.
It's killing me, but this is the most alive I've felt in a long time.
Hearing her scream with such pain, pulled at my heart. I was compelled to hold her and it came as natural as breathing. There was a fragility and strength in her, struggling to get out. She was trying to say something other than the words she was using. It was in the anger, frustration, and sadness that oozed from her being, I felt that sh*t in my veins. Even though everything seemed to be going in slow motion, in my body everything was racing, especially my heart.
I can't stand to see her like this and don't want to move.
"Hmmm.....mhhhh...mmmhh...mmmh...hhhhhhmmmm..mmmhh...."
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YOU ARE READING
April Showers
ChickLit"Describe April. What is she like?" "Describing her is like trying to understand the your purpose in life, you know. I never could really tell anyone how she was because I couldn't technically believe she was real. April James is anything most have...
