Chapter 11

                                    

                                          
Margaret lead them from the cafeteria and up towards the ICU in complete silence. The only sound between the three of them was the scuffing and squeaking of their shoes on the floor of the hospital. Louis didn't know how to feel about this. It could simply mean that Margaret hadn't spoken to the doctor yet and therefore did not know any more than he did and had nothing to say. That's what Louis was hoping was making her so quiet. He hoped it wasn't that she had spoken to the doctor about Liam and now she just didn't know how to tell him the bad news and was leaving it up to the doctor. Louis' stomach twisted unpleasantly at the thought as he followed behind her quietly, Niall by his side looking just as distressed. If Louis had eaten anything today, he was positive it would be on the floor of the hospital by now.
                          
Louis actually started to feel a bit faint the farther they walked. All this worrying he's done all day, all the scenarios he's played out in his mind and all the not knowing which was going to come true made him feel exhausted even though he's done basically nothing but lye in a bed and sit at a table. He thinks it might have something to do with not eating all day, he hadn't even had time for breakfast this morning because Alex took a little longer than usual to get ready so he hadn't technically eaten since last night. Even still, finding out what was going to happen to Liam was more important than stopping for a granola bar, he could wait. He did however reach out to grab Niall's arm, hooking his around it for a little extra support, just in case. Niall probably thought it was more of a comfort thing because he reached over with his other hand and covered Louis' hand that held onto his arm, probably trying to tell him it'd be okay even though it didn't look like he believed that with how stiff he was. Maybe it was sort of a comfort thing for him.
                          
When they drew near he saw Dr. Carlson standing outside of the ICU door, his greying hair slicked back with gel, his bright white coat making it easy to spot him. Louis' stomach gave another unpleasant twist, making his grip on Niall tighten but the blonde didn't seem to notice. The doctor didn't look too alarmed about anything and again, that could be nothing. It could mean Liam was just fine, that yeah it had looked bad but he'll pull through. Or, it could mean that there wasn't anything to be alarmed about because, well... There was nothing to be alarmed about. It could mean Liam was already... gone, so he was in no rush to get back in there, that there was no reason to hurry through this. Louis also thought that maybe he should know better than to try and read a doctor because he swears they spend two hours in front of the mirror every day, practising schooling their emotions. Really, that face could mean anything and Louis knew that so he didn't understand why his stomach was churning the way it was.
                          
Dr. Carlson had been reading over a clipboard in his hands, flipping through a couple pages but looked up when the three of them came to stop in front of him, standing in a line and taking up a good portion of the hallway. Louis hadn't worked with Dr. Carlson very often, only a couple of times over the years but he talked to him enough to know that he was a kind hearted man with a soft spot for children. They weren't the best of friends but he could see the flash of sympathy in his green eyes before it vanished because he had to be a professional here.
                          
"Louis," The doctor greeted with a nod of his head and Louis knew he should be polite and greet him back, he was a doctor after all and could probably have his job with a snap of his finger but he couldn't make his lips move or his voice work. Louis tried to read him again, probably futilely but it was worth a shot. He tried to look into his eyes, maybe he would slip up like he had when he looked up at them but he didn't. Louis had been looking for any sign of relief or even dread, just something to give him a clue as to how dire the situation was, but Dr. Carlson was a blank slate. It really wasn't surprising, he's probably been through this a million and one times. Even Louis has had to do this and has learned to school his expression, not only that but to turn off his emotions completely because otherwise this job would be too hard to do. If you allowed yourself to sympathize with the patients and grieve with their relatives, your heart would give up before you even made a month. So Louis understood his solitude but he was hoping that maybe since he knew Louis, it would be harder for him to do.