Week 18 • Nola *

                                    

                                          
***A/N: Thank you for 25K!!
I'm so excited for the next couple weeks. We're back to a little longer chapters, so find a comfy spot and enjoy. 
What was the week in Newcastle like? Well, I finally found some balance. Which is good, because I'd been flailing. I felt like choosing to be with Harry meant I was NOT choosing to remember Luke, and vice versa. My mind placed them both on the opposite ends of a tight rope and until Newcastle, I'd been mindlessly walking between the two. Right before I left, I felt like I was in the middle of the rope, the place where you are most vulnerable and it is the easiest to lose your footing, and I was unable to find my balance and either side. BothLuke's and Harry's sides were too far away for me to reach. No matter who I walked towards, I felt like I was going to fall. 
So, this past week was a chance to stop walking the tight rope between my past and my future, and throw the damn thing away.
As I expected, I spent the past seven days almost entirely consumed by Luke. I let myself live inside the sweet memories we made and dwelled with his presence, honoring the pain of losing him but also the hope for something more without him. After all, that was the reason I decided to do this in the first place. The past year owns my deepest sorrows, but also owns my greatest joys and there's no doubt in my mind that Harry had a lot to do with the later. So, Harry consumed the rest of my thoughts this past week.
Ultimately, I left having said goodbye to Luke. Though it didn't make everything magically better, it helped me get back on solid ground. I'm not an idiot. I know that Harry and I have a lot to sort out, which is unsettling, but for the first time in my life, I find myself excited by the unknown.
Now, I just have to wait for Harry to come home.
----- FaceTime to Helen -----
"Nola, dear. It is so good to see your face," Helen greets, cheerfully. I waited to call until the girls would be in bed, wanting to talk to Helen and Albert about my time in Newcastle without Hope or the girls around. 
"How are the girls. I miss them so much," I say and Helen turns the phone to show me them all sleeping on the screen of the iPad. An involuntary tear leaves my eyes, knowing that tomorrow I finally get to hug them.
"They miss you, too, Nola. I can't tell you how excited Lottie was to tear the last paper chain on the calendar tonight. I wouldn't be surprised if she wakes up at 4am just to make sure she doesn't miss you coming home." 
"I'm never leaving them again," I joke, but being gone for that long was difficult without any contact. 
"How was it?" Helen asks, sitting down at the table and gesturing for Albert to come and join her. Soon, their faces both fill the screen and I smile. 
"Hard." I offer and they both nod, and I see Albert wrap his arm around Helen. They share a knowing smile, having been through what I just went through the last week. 
(*** A/N reminder- we are going to find out more about the week at the retreat center later, so if the conversation seems lean, that is why :) 
 We have a conversation about our experiences and Albert shares that he knew what I was walking into and that they debated telling me ahead of time, but feared that I wouldn't go if I was fully armed with the knowledge that I am armed with now. 
"You're right. I probably wouldn't have." I say and I pause. "I was mad at first, I'm not going to lie. I was actually really pissed." 
Helen smacks Alberts shoulder, "see, I told you."