Chapter Thirty-One

                                    

                                          

Luz
"What?" I heard her voice echo a question across the space between us. I didn't dare to make any movement. If I didn't regard her, maybe if I stood still and quiet, she wouldn't see me. Maybe she wouldn't see past my stiff posture and my wall I had currently been building at this moment. One I had been creating so I'd have something to take refuge behind. Refuge from the girl behind me, the question she asked, and the emotions this slip up had been causing within me. 
Trying to compose myself, I turned to look at her, thinking that I could be brave enough to face her if I tried hard enough, but I was wrong. Because the moment my eyes met hers my resolve crumbled and I was left to pick up the pieces. She looked at me in surprise, probably from hearing what I said, but cold, hard Blight determination then took over her face.
My eyes had found hers and I knew she was going to do something. She wanted answers from me. I knew Amity and I knew that look. She had slowly turned around, as I stood frozen, and faced the door. I heard the clicking sound, not fully processing what it was until it came to me. She had locked the door.
My heart dropped, a thousand possible outcomes came to my mind of what she was going to do next. I was not in the state of mind to handle any of them properly. There was nowhere to hide, nowhere to run, and nothing else to keep me from facing this head on. I'd said what I said because I thought she was Gus and she heard it. If I could read her mind maybe I would know better on what to do or say but I couldn't and I didn't. 
She turned to me and started to slowly walk towards me. I started to back up until my back hit the wall behind me. My heart rate spiked when I realized she was still coming closer. When she finally reached me, I tried to walk around her, but she grabbed the front of my hoodie and pulled me back before letting go. I swallowed hard trying to force words out. Words that wouldn't come until I caught a glimpse of that look in her eyes. 
"What are you doing here Amity? Why did you follow me here?" I tried to come up with a way to change the subject to rid myself of this gnawing discomfort spreading somewhere within. She stood there with her eyes shifting, looking between mine as she attempted to read me or find her words or whatever could explain the reason she had been staring at me as she was now. 
"Don't change the subject. You're avoiding my question. What feelings?" She asked curiously trying to figure out what I had meant by that statement. And I cracked and caved to the pressure of it all. I tried to come up with a lie but that wasn't in my nature and it wasn't something I ever did when it came to Amity either. At least not on purpose. So I fell back to my default letting my feelings retreat back into me as I felt the need to leave the room creeping in and the want to get away from it all over again. To run from the feelings, to run from the situation, to run from the girl, and everything else in between. Because I wasn't strong, not even close, not when it counted at least. 
"You...you were not supposed to hear that." I mumbled out. I went to move past her only for her hand to be placed against my chest to stop me causing my heart to jump. I looked at her as the fear settled in and my hands started to shake. And her eyes shifted between mine as emotions passed through them. 
"You make everything so difficult." She whispered, sounding hurt and in turn that made me hurt too. 
"Nothing has ever been easy between us. It's doubtful it ever will be." I said though my voice shook much like my hands had been. This statement wasn't entirely true though because Amity and I were the ones holding us back. It was in our resistance that we held against each other that made everything as hard as it was. If we had let go of everything like we had in our good moments we wouldn't have to stand here fighting or running or reacting in the way that we both did. It was in my nature to run from Amity as much as it was in her newfound nature to search for change.