Have you ever felt alone even though you were surrounded by people?
That is what happens when you lose the people that used to orientate your senses. Minho used to be Jisung's compass, but that didn't last.
This is the story of a very anxious Jisung...
Jisung had always had a good grip on his feelings. Until he hadn't anymore.
Jisung was whipped for the boy. Anyone with two eyes and a rational brain could point it out. But Minho didn't notice, he just thought it was their deep bond who came with their close friendship, he never assumed that Jisung could have feelings for him, he wouldn't even think of it.
And even if Jisung was struggling to live while loving a straight boy, he was happy with what he had. He didn't have any hope to lead him on, so he was okay. He loved his best friend's personality, he loved his manners, his kindness, his humor, his handsome face, but he loved from afar, knowing his boundaries. Minho was more a fantasy than an idea, so Jisung didn't have much problems with that. It hurt, of course it hurt. One sided love would hurt any kind of individual. But there was so much more postive things from being by Minho's side that he wouldn't break this for nothing in the world.
But this week, things may have turned south. Maybe Jisung wouldn't be able to think rationnally anymore after that.
Jisung was chilling at home after a long day of school when he received a notification, as always, Minho would text him before they went to sleep.
Minho
coffee date tomorrow?
Jisung smiled at the message. Coffee dates were their exclusive time for the both of them. It wasn't anything romantic, just the two of them hanging out without Felix. Felix didn't care much about it, he also had his exclusive time with each. He saw Minho on dance class, and he saw Jisung all days long in class.
After school? I'm in
Yep, I finish at 5
Same
perfect
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why are you always sending this kind of pics?
Jisung laughed at the selfie. Minho was always so random. Not that he was complaining, he always took a few minutes to answer the message because he was staring at it, silly Jisung.
you don't like it? :(
stop acting cute, doesn't suit you
whatever
send me a pic
are you asking for nudes?
wheres your manners at lee minho
what if i was?
Jisung felt his heart stop, he knew he was joking around, but that actually made him flustered
then it'll be 100$ per pic
nevermind I'm broke
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cute
Jisung felt his whole face blushing hard. The power Minho had over Jisung was concerning.
gn min
goodnight hannie
Jisung fell asleep with a dreamy smile on his face, excited for his coffee date with his best friend.
____
After a long and tiring day, he joined Minho in front of their school and they started walking immediately towards their favorite coffee shop. He loved it there because it was always calm and there were never a lot of people there, Jisung could go there without feeling anxious because of the people.
They sat down and ordered the usual, two iced americanos and a cheesecake to share.
"The waitress is cute" Minho said, watching her from afar.
Jisung hated that kind of comment, it always felt his stomach churn. But he pushed the feeling away and forced a smile.
"Ew, heterosexuals" He commented, trying to not show his real feeling.
"Hey! Who said I was hetero?" Minho said, a grin on his face. Jisung felt his heart stop, what was he talking about? Since when was Minho questionning his sexuality? That couldn't be real right? Maybe he was joking... but it would be a bit insensitive, Minho wouldn't do that.
"Wait what?"
"I said what I said" Minho said, shrugging his shoulders.
"You're bi? pan?" Jisung asked, a bit too excited. Minho chuckled at his reaction
"None of it. I don't know to be honest. I just dont think I'm completely straight, I'm just opening my mind to the option of someday being romantically or sexually involved with either a man or a girl, or else" He explained, taking a sip from his americano "I'm just pushing myself out of heterosexual norms, it makes me feel better strangely"
Jisung just stared at him, not knowing what to answer.
"I've still never felt attracted to a boy, but it may happen, who knows?" Minho added, and Jisung smiled at him.
He felt a bit hurt knowing that his crush never thought anything more of the two of them, but he still smiled genuinely at him. He was amazed by Minho's way of thinking.
"You never told me" Jisung said, showing that he was a bit surprised
"Yeah I know. I've been questionning recently tho." He explained "Also, i don't think I'm fully okay with outing me to the whole world, it's still a bit knew and I'm still a bit uncomfortable with it"
"Of course, that makes sense" Jisung smiled at him "I needed a long time to feel accepted around me too, but I don't feel the need to hide anymore know. It's like as soon as you tell a few people, you feel the need to tell the whole world about it"
"I'll tell Felix eventually, but maybe when I do have an idea of what label I want to put on myself" Minho explained, and Jisung nodded in understanding.
But even if their coffee dates had been nice, the second Jisung went home, his mind started spiraling. He had never had any hope, because it didn't need any.
But now, one possibility had opened, and even if Jisung didn't want to, this conversation had created a small hope within him. A hope that would grow, bigger and bigger.
He felt scared, because if that hope grows too much, there was a chance it would eat him alive.
