48

                                    

                                          
As soon as the doctors had evaluated me, my mom demanded that I be discharged from the hospital. Paranoia had settled in and she felt like I wasn't safe anywhere other than our home, under her constant supervision. And so, Mr. Marshall requested a personal nurse who could stay with me in Gretburg and monitor my healing. Our nurse, Mrs. Thorne had driven with us home and it was safe to say that, even though mom had initially been wary of her, one week in, they were now the best of friends.
The school had been temporarily closed for two days and had been converted into a crime scene so that the police could gather as much evidence as they can. And for the past week, I've been in home, on special permission. I only have to go back to school to take my finals. I was excused from everything else.
All my friends take turns to bring me their notes. They could all be practically living with me, that's how much I keep seeing everyone and it was starting to get annoying. Especially given that my painkillers make me drowsy and I'm not all fun to be around anymore.
Alice drops by every two days, some of her famous cheese soup made just for me. Viktor was on his way to come see me, she had said much to my frustration. I was getting sick of all the people that came to visit me. First it was Evie, Lacey, Jessica and Anika, and then it was Piper showing up at my house every day, trying to talk to me, and then it was Dawn and Noah practically living in my house, and then Javier and Joaquin flying in two days ago. Now it was Vik. After Alice had left, I had tried calling Viktor. And even after I insisted that it wasn't necessary at all for him to visit in person and that we could just video call, he ended my call saying that he'll see me in a couple hours. That stubborn ass. And so here I was, on my living room couch, legs propped up on my boyfriend's lap, waiting for his older brother to arrive. 
Roman moved his hand from my ankles to massage my feet. It wasn't a conscious action for him. He was looking into a distance. His eyes not focused on anything. Mind miles away. I bit my lips, not letting the moan that was on the tip of my tongue to escape my mouth. I didn't want him to know how good his feet massage felt like.
"My feet are dirty, stop touching them."
Roman blinked, his eyes slowly blinking back to focus. Turning to me, he gave a small smile, his eyes flickering to his hand on my feet. "I don't mind the dirt. I like doing this."
I grinned, getting more comfortable. "Good. Because whatever you're doing feels so good."
Chuckling, Roman lifted one of my feet and before I could react he had pressed his lips against it, making my heart race. Even after he went back to staring at nothing and massaging my feet, my heart refused to go back to its previous pace. Looking at this boy sitting next to me on the couch, who makes my heart clench with that weird feeling that I know was love, I couldn't help but feel that I loved him with all my heart. 
Which was absurd considering that my heart wasn't whole and loving someone with all our heart is a myth that we have been forced to believe. I didn't have all my heart. A part of my heart belonged to my mom, a part to Alan, one more part to all my aunts and uncles and cousins and friends. And there was one huge part of my heart that will always belong to Levi. Always. So how could I love Roman with all my heart?
But I felt like I did. Without him, I felt like my life wouldn't have a purpose.
It's funny how something that cannot be touched or seen can be felt with such depth. 
I gently kicked at my boyfriend's hand, claiming his attention. "What are you thinking about?"
He squeezed my ankle, smiling. There was a moment pause, but no hesitation when he said what he said next. "About how much I love you. About how my life wouldn't have a purpose without you."