44

                                    

                                          
Roman and I were slowly falling back into our old routines. He was still waiting for me outside of the school building every morning. He still sits next to me at lunch and in the classes that we share. He still iced my arm yesterday at the gym when I got hit by the ball and it reddened. But we've not discussed us. At all. He hasn't made any attempt to kiss me, or hold my hand – anything sort of couple-y that we used to do, has been absent in our lives and I'm scared to ask where we stood. I'd rather we be together in a limbo, than be not together at all. Dawn says it's going to take time for us to get over everything and accept the fact that we both had poor communication in our relationship. She also says, we need to work a lot on communicating openly – that, I agree.
That Thursday after we had come back from camping, book club today had been exhausting. And when I mean exhausting, I mean exhausting. The book that we had chosen this week was controversial and the discussion that we had had among us turned out to be one of the most heated ones we have had so far. Much to my other friends' annoyance, even during dinner, Evie and I were still discussing the book that we had read the whole of last week.
"Enough about that crap," Lacey grumbled, reaching out to flick my forehead. Scowling, I rubbed my forehead, giving her a look. It was my mistake; I shouldn't have sat at the seat right next to hers or she wouldn't be hitting me. "I'm bored hearing you talk about that book like you're so fascinated by it."
Evie rolled her eyes. "Um, all books are fascinating."
"Right."
"No, really," she insisted, "Imagine how many lives come alive through a book – it is fascinating."
"Only a nerd like you will say that."
Offended, I frowned, "I would say that too – I completely believe that Evie is right and books are fascinating."
"As I said," Lacey paused giving me a sarcastic smile, "Only a nerd like you will say that."
"You've been talking about that book all evening," Jessica gave us a small smile, shaking her head, "It's kind of boring to us non-readers, you know."
Evie and I huffed in sync, shaking our heads at them in pity. They would never know the power of a good book and that's so damn sad. "You should probably read this book, it's very interesting," Evie said.
"Don't force your interests on us," Anika rolled her eyes, "Besides, this is the first dinner in a while that Addie is sitting with us – why can't we talk about something more interesting? Like catching up on everyone's life? Or even gossip?"
From her tone, I know she wanted nothing else to talk about. The past few weeks, everything Anika has talked about somehow ended up being about my other friends. Every conversation we've had so far, she has somehow diverted to talk about Auden, or Braxton or Dawn, or Roman or Dallas.
And since the moment I returned to school after camping with my friends, it has gotten much less tolerable and more obvious – they're all she could talk about. I also believe that she's a little mad at me about the fact that I took my friends from Gretburg with me, but didn't extend the invitation to my other friends here – that is, her and the girls. I didn't realize it was going to be an issue, but this morning before I left the room, she made it a point to let me know she liked camping too – for the next time, if you remember to invite me, she had said. 
"You just want tea on the Rebels," Evie scoffed, looking highly disappointed with Anika. 
"Just want to know how different it is for Addie to be on top of the popularity chain now," she said, her eyes fixed on me, "So, tell me, Addie, how is it being one of the rebels?"
The table fell silent and a stiff awkwardness settled in between us. Off late, all her line of questions have made me uncomfortable, and I think that was the point. She wants me to be uncomfortable for some reason.