You're On Your Own, Kid

                                    

                                          
Weekdays: 5am rehearsal, 8am school, 2pm end school, go straight to set, 9pm more rehearsal, 10pm sleep
Weekends: 5am set, 3pm rehearsal, 5pm voice, 6pm dance, 7pm guitar/piano
"Y/n are you listening to me?" 
I was snapped out of the world of the Industrial Revolution of my U.S. History textbook, and looked up at Taylor, who had been trying to gain my attention for quite some time.
"Hm?" 
"I said I think you need to take it easier. You're already on set every day. Maybe we should cut down on some of your rehearsal time?" 
After hearing my recording of Mean, and a few of my other recordings, Taylor got the idea to film a few music videos starring me. Music videos with detailed choreography and lines I had to memorize. All things I needed to learn.
"What? No. I'm fine. I need the rehearsals anyway." I said, dismissing the topic and going back to my textbook.
"And the dance and guitar and voice and piano lessons?" 
"It's good for me. Plus once I finish the movie, I'll have way more time. Thanksgiving break is next week which gives me more time for-"
"Rest. Not rehearsal or classes or anything. Just rest."
I sighed.
"Yeah. I guess."
I could feel Taylor's sympathetic look from across the table.
"Well I'm going to bed. Promise me you'll get some sleep ok?" 
"Yep." I said bluntly.
Taylor kissed me on the forehead before going upstairs. I kind of felt bad about always being busy. Joe had gone back to London for a project until thanksgiving, and I was always doing something. But I feel like I need to be doing those things. How else am I supposed to get better?
—————
"Hey!" Xochitl ran up and sat next to me at a table outside of the school, then kissed me on the cheek.
"Hi." I smiled and glanced at her, then back to the homework I didn't finish last night. 
We started dating a few days after she asked me out. We had a very supervised beach picnic date, which was more like a double date with Joe and Taylor. 
"You okay?" 
"Yeah, I just need to finish this."
"That's it?" Xochitl asked, knowing it wasn't.
"I mean, I'm a little tired." I said not looking up.
Instead of speaking, Xo took my my chin in her hand and turned my head to look at her. Which made me blush so hard that I wanted to look away immediately.
"I can tell you're stressed babe. I don't think you need all those extra classes."
"But I do."
"No you don't." I could feel the genuine worry in her voice and it made my heart ache.
The bell rang just as I finished my late work. I stuffed everything in my backpack. I hugged my girlfriend and she whispered for me to take it easy before we both went to our classes.
At lunch I studied my lines instead of eating. 
"Hungry?" Xo nudged me, handing me the extra granola bar she always packs for me.
"No, thanks."
"You love these though. They're the ones with the little marshmallows in them."
"I'm just not hungry. And a little busy."
Xo sighed, and put the granola bar back into her lunch box.
School was stressful as always, and I went straight to set right afterwards. I did some martial arts training, and then filmed one of my biggest action scenes. It was fun, but tiring. Taylor's mom drove me around and was my adult supervisor on set most of the time. 
I got home about half an hour earlier, so I did some homework, then went down to the dance studio for rehearsal. Taylor was there, not working on choreography, but like she was waiting for me. 
"Hey Y/n, we need to talk."
"What is it? Are you firing me?" I asked, putting my bag down and walking up next to her.
"No, no darling. It's just...I think we should put rehearsals on hold for a while." 
"What? Why? How else am I supposed to learn anything?" 
"It's a long time until the film dates. And even then we could push them back. I think we should wait." 
"But I don't want to wait. I want to get better. I'm supposed to be the best I possibly can-"
"I'm not going to let you fall apart right in front of me Y/n! I know that you're barely sleeping! I can see you biting your fingernails and bouncing your leg up and down all the time!" 
There was silence. I didn't know what to say.
"For the love of god you're not even eating." 
Taylor's voice was shaky. She was right. I'd been eating way less. It wasn't on purpose at first, but it felt good, and it became a habit. 'Saving room for the holidays' I thought.
"This is fucking stupid." I muttered.
"Y/n don't-"
"Bullshit! This is all fucking bullshit!" 
I stormed out, tears threatening to exit my eyes. I went out the door. I headed straight for the beach. It was the middle of November in New York, so it was a little cold, and I was in dance wear. I just sat, hugged my knees to my chest, and put my head down. Wishing I could disappear for just a little while.