Chasing you (part 14)

                                    

                                          
Forth's P.O.V.
Everything went back to normal. Or at least as normal as it can be considering everything. There's still a wall between us. Something changed and we both are pretending we don't notice. Yeah we are still hanging out regularly and I still call him Bee. But I treat him like a normal friend. Im afraid to get too close and have him pull back again. Im tired of this game. Of the uncertainty. Because when we are close all I want to do is hold him and keep him close to me. I want to shower him with love, hold his hand, get jealous every time someone comes close. But I can't, because if I show that side of me to him. He will run away. He will get scared of the possibilities he doesn't want to face. And I don't know if I can take it anymore. As much as I love him I will let him go if its the best for both of us. For now I will continue being his friend and we will see were this take us. 
As usual I made my way to meds. It was my turn to have lunch with Beam there. As I was walking lost in thought I saw Beam already siting on his usual table waving at me. He managed to caught my attention before I passed by him to buy food.
"Hey Bee." I said approaching the table. I noticed he had food for me too. Which I now realized we had kinda stopped buying each other lunch. 
"Hey I got food for the two of us. Sit down." He said and I nodded sitting across from him. He noticed it and looked at me with an eyebrow raised. Yes I've been keeping my distance a little bit. He started pushing the plate towards me then changed his mind and put it on the seat beside him. He didn't say a word but I know he was not happy I choose to sit across. I ended up moving to sit beside him.
"Phana and Wayo are throwing a party tomorrow on Phanas beach house. He told me to invite you, Park and Lam." He said and I nodded.
"Park and Lam cant come. They are driving to Parks home for the weekend." I said and he nodded thoughtfully.
"You will still come with me right? I don't want to be alone with the two couples." He whined and I laughed.
"Of course." I said.
"So Lam is meeting Parks family. Sounds serious." Said Beam and I shook my head.
"Don't even think about teasing them. Park will rip your head off. He's been nervous since he asked Lam yesterday." I said.
"Wait are they really together?" Asked Beam.
"No, Lam's still oblivious and that freaks him out more. Don't ask me why I don't know. I guess he's scared his family will tell Lam or he will realize." 
"I want to tease him so bad." He said and I shook my head.
"Of course you do." I said and he just laughed.
"You should stay at my house tonight. So we can leave early in the morning for Phanas beach house. He's leaving today with Wayo to setup and Kit is having dinner with Mings family so they will be close. We have to be there by lunch." Said Beam. I hesitated for a second. I didn't know if staying together was going to be the best idea. I looked at him and he was looking at me expectantly. As much as I wanted to I just couldn't say no.
"Ok I'll come by tonight." I said against my better judgement. Not that I didn't want to spend the night with him. But last time didn't go so well.
"I will make us dinner then. Be sure to swing by at seven." He said and I nodded. 
After that we just kept talking until he lunch was over. I was done for the day so I headed home. I grabbed my duffel bag and threw a few clothes in there and some toiletries. All afternoon I had an internal debate whether I should cancel on Beam or not. I just didn't want to mess what progress we had made. its been a month already and we are fine technically. But I feel like we are walking on eggshells. Or at least I am. I'm trying not to be overly affective or do anything that I wouldn't do to a friend. I guess I am overthinking things since I don't want to lose him. As the time neared I continued telling myself that I should cancel until I couldn't. I knew he was cooking and it was too late to leave him hanging. That was the excuse I told myself to stop overthinking and admit I wanted to spend the night with him. I grabbed the duffel bag and headed towards Beams apartment cursing myself for being so weak and caving in. When he greeted me at the door with a smile I knew it was worth it no matter what.